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Navigating grief and loss

I miss my pa

I miss my pa

Hey everyone- this will be one of those posts where I just say whatever comes out.

about 3 months ago I lost my pa. He was almost 90 and this is the worst thing I have ever felt. He was sick for most of my life (24 years) and he was so strong and got back every time. I can’t sleep in fear of having nightmares about the last day I saw him in palliative care. It was the worst day of my life. And the fact I have to experience this more with other loved ones especially grandparents actually is the most traumatic thing ever. I don’t know how to process this. I miss him so much. I can still hear how he says my name, talks about my uni and how I should always keep going.

i have absolutely no energy and basically forcing myself to go out. It concerns me that I have been cancelling things for myself like Pilates classes which I love going too. I just feel numb. And I’m scared to tell my family. The whole family is super odd and no one is close or talks about emotions. My mum doesn’t think how I feel is real. I think about that last day constantly, I literally can’t get it off my mind. I’m trying to think about other things and how good his life was but I can’t. My dad is telling me how much other grandparent has a fall and is unwell and I can’t even think about it or tell anyone about it because it comes real. I fear seeing my nanny because I can’t be at that place without feeling sick. I dont know why because it’s all great memories. I’m just sad, confused, and I feel like no one knows how I feel. No one at work asked if I was okay knowing this happening. Only my boyfriend asked. I just alone with such great emotional baggage. Sometimes I wish I had no one to miss, I know it sounds awful but again, I can’t go through this again. I dont know how I’ll make it out.

2 replies

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In response to: I miss my pa

Re: I miss my pa

@feelingbetter15 Good morning. I want to welcome you to the SANE forums and let you know that I hear you and see you. Thank you so much for showing up and sharing so openly and honestly about how you feel. I understand. My Pa was one of the biggest loves of my life, when he passed it took me a long time to grieve and find some sort of acceptance and peace. Grief is hard and heavy...and individual. I'm sorry it feels like no one understands or appreciates your feelings.

I think it's really good that you are reaching out here for support.

I'll share some resources with you that you might be interested in like these articles:

https://griefline.org.au/resources/when-a-loved-one-dies-guide-to-coping-with-grief-loss/

https://www.grief.org.au/ga/ga/Content/Information-Sheets/Grieving_when_your_loss_is_not_acknowledged_by_others.aspx

SANE offers support through the Recovery Club, you might like to take advantage of the free one on one sessions and have a chat with someone who will be there to hold space for you and whatever you need to express. Here is the registration page: Welcome to SANE’s Recovery Club

I'm sure others in this beautiful community will jump in to welcome you and offer support.

I know it can just sound like words but you're not alone ok?

We are glad you're here with us.

Take care.

Sending you all my best.

HhXx

In response to: I miss my pa

Re: I miss my pa

Hi @feelingbetter15 ,

I can relate 100% to what you are saying. I was very close to my grandparents I miss them terribly still today. They got sick and I couldn't cry Infront of them knowing how sick they were. Losing them was extremely painful. Everywhere I went was a painful reminder. I couldn't physically be inside their house without having a panic attack and feeling very anxious.Overtime it will get easier and less painful but it will take time. Please be easy on yourself. You can always visit your grandads grave and light a candle for him. If you find that things are getting harder and harder it might be good to get counselling or see a psychologist.

You said your family don't deal with emotions. They probably bottle up their emotions which is not good. Society also makes it out that we should push down our feelings and pretend to be happy

which is rubbish. Crying is 100% normal. We cry for a reason, we mourn for a reason. It's how our mind processes pain. What you are feeling is valid and is real. Losing someone can be very traumatic.

Please feel free to reach out whenever you need to. Sending you many hugs.

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