faderNew Contributor
15 year old has suspected BPD, where do I start?
My 15 year old son has been up until this point a beautiful, loving, and emotional boy. He has friends, found a love for playing electric guitar and joined the music program at school. He has not suffered any trauma that we're aware of. My wife and I both thought he had finally made some good connections and things were going great.
Earlier this term, he wore an arm sleeve to school, and his music teacher asked him why he had it. He then confided in her that he tried self-harm [edited by moderator]. He said he has been feeling lonely, has no friends, and doesn't feel included in social settings with his mates at school. He has a girl from school that he messages with (not his girlfriend) who has gone through a lot of personal trauma and he feels very protective over. He says that she has had suicidal thoughts and has also been self-harming.
The school contacted us, and we sought help immediately, going to a GP, getting a mental health plan and booking in with a psychologist. GP initially suggested that this was most likely a "one and done" situation, however last week our son told us he self-harmed again [edited by moderator]. We had a call from the school social worker today to tell us that he admitted to more self-harm [edited by moderator]. This whole situation just feels like its going from bad to worse.
My wife is a mental-health nurse and she is very calm and rational when speaking to my son. I don't know how she does it. I feel so angry that he lied to us, and then won't tell us why he is doing this. He can't tell us why he's doing it, and as soon as we bring up the girl/friend situation he gets very defensive and shuts down. Now that he's broken the trust and lied to us, I am finding it hard to believe anything he says. We've explained that we are there to help, and he can confide anything to us without judgment.
I want to help and support him so badly, but I don't know how to approach the situation without one of us getting upset. My wife has arranged to fast-tracl the psych appointments, but they are still 3-4 weeks away.
What can I say to get him to come talk to us before self-harming so that we can rationalise the situation to help re-frame his thinking during those low points?
