JustWhelmedSenior Contributor
Breaking up with someone who can't accept it's over
Without getting into the insanity of everything that has happened since I told my partner of 8 years I was done, I was hoping people have some advice.
I am beyond burnt out from our relationship; they recently had a borderline/bipolar diagnosis which fits (and is what I have been saying for years) and I can't keep up with the rollercoaster myself, so I can't explain it all to you!
Long story short, my kids, dogs and I moved in to my sisters as I couldn't handle the constant barrage of begging me to stay or telling me how awful I am for wanting to leave and take my equity with me.
I still get at least 5 emails a day from them, ranging from info for our settlement, apologetic, sentimental begging me to return, or pissy rages at how I abandoned them when they need me most. It's full of gaslighting, it feels like they are just trying to wear me down into coming back.
I have blocked them by text and messenger.
I have their emails sent to a separate folder, so i can read them when I feel I have capacity, but I DO need to check them in case it's about our settlement or my belongings (which are still in our home), and honestly, I won't have capacity/a calm central nervous until I can sever ties from them (i.e. property settlement) and have some room to breathe, therapy to heal. So reading them sets me into a very anxious state about 70% of the time.
Today, they rocked up at my work and handed me a giant bunch of flowers, then left. I'm super shaken up by it; I wasn't scared, it's just that I am at a point where any communication makes me feel sick, because of the following cycle:
No matter what I do or say, they keep begging me to try again. I have told them so many times it's not possible, I have no desire to, and that them ignoring me is extremely insulting and creepy.
They then get hurt, which makes them turn vindictive/mean, then they feel guilty and apologise, then they are super friendly (buying flowers, offering to walk my dogs, take me for a spin in their new EV) and the cycle continues.
I don't even know what to do any more. Largely I don't respond to anything emotional, just logistics, and eventually they start including emotional responses which I ignore, then that sets them off as well.
Settlement is at least a few months away.
