My anxiety and getting easily annoyed at small things impacting my relationship - please help!!

Hey capybara11

Firstly, I just want to acknowledge how self-aware and honest your post is. Reading it, I didn't see someone who isn't trying. I saw someone who is actively reflecting on their part in things, seeking support, attending therapy, pushing themselves outside their comfort zone, communicating openly with their partner, and taking responsibility for their recovery.

It also sounds like you've already identified some really practical areas to work on. What stood out to me was that you recognised the difference between what your anxiety is telling you and what your partner is actually saying. That's not easy, and it's a really important skill to keep building.

From what you've written, your partner hasn't said he's given up. It sounds more like you've both recognised some challenges and are having honest conversations about them. While that must be incredibly painful to hear, it may also be an opportunity for both of you to reconnect and make some changes together.

Please be kind to yourself as well. Anxiety can make us feel like we're failing when, in reality, we're already putting in a lot of effort. Joining a soccer team, seeing a psychologist, exercising, and reflecting on your reactions are all meaningful steps. Recovery is usually more about small, consistent changes than getting everything right at once.

Wishing you both the best. The fact that you're looking inward, taking responsibility, and wanting to grow speaks volumes about your commitment to both your own wellbeing and your relationship.

Hi @capybara11,

It sounds like you are already doing everything you can to manage your anxiety. The thing is you cannot push anxiety away. I recommend going on medication which can take up to 6-8 weeks to work. You are doing a lot which is great so long as it doesn't cause you to burn out. You might end up putting too much pressure on yourself. It also sounds like you are stressed out which would make the anxiety worse. It would probably be good to do a lot of relaxation techniques that your psychologist has most likely given you to do. It all takes time for your body to unwind and relax. Sometimes I think anxiety is a symptom of trauma. It's there for a reason. How was your child hood? You do not need to answer this but if your answer was that it was abnormal, a lot of stress and you were treated poorly then I'd say there is trauma. I cannot say this is the case for you but always keep it in the back of your mind if you answer yes. The reason I say this is I was first diagnosed with anxiety at a young age seeing a psychologist for a long time 7 or more years only to find out that was a waste time as my anxiety was due to childhood trauma. I had all the CBT in the world and it didn't really help because it's not treating it at the root of the problem. So I would say I was misdiagnosed and the therapist was not trauma informed.

Hi @capybara11 do you have any grounding techniques that work for you? Practicing these daily can help give you the tools to reduce anxiety. Some suggestions: https://www.lifeline.org.au/get-help/support-toolkit/techniques-and-guides/finding-relief-through-grounding-techniques

Is your anxiety due to worry about the present/future, or do you inexplicably feel always on edge and hyper-vigilant? As @Misty7 says, past trauma can keep our nervous system on alert for threats. Trying harder to work on things likely won't heal that trauma alone - good trauma informed practices/therapy helps your nervous system feel safe in the present day.

An anxiety resource you may try: ARCVIC Anxiety Recovery Centre https://arcvic.org.au 1300 ANXIETY

There is also an anxiety support group https://supportgroup.mhfa.org.au/anxiety-support-group

SANE has an anxiety fact sheet https://www.sane.org/information-and-resources/facts-and-guides/anxiety-disorder and you can join their RecoveryClub https://www.sane.org/recovery-club

Please keep us informed of how you are going.

I started taking a well known drug 50mg for anxiety and its helped me enormously.

I wasn't born with the right levels in my brain so I feel taking meds for me helps. I no longer have an anxiety attacks. It doesnt over whelm me so I cant think. Give it a try. And remember our brains are so busy doing so much sometimes it needs a bit of help that you cant get from food or exercise alone.