hi ★ lost and afraid

hi everyone. this is my first post. i found my way here searching for support for my cptsd, DPDR, OCD, autism etc. I am severely chronically ill and completely housebound as of the last 2 years- so as you can imagine im extremely lonely and 100% isolated. i already struggled with the repercussions of my past traumas prior to getting sick, and tried tirelessly to get a grip on managing symptoms and whatnot, but never felt i made much progress with getting more comfortable existing - and now i am so so sick and stuck alone in an echochamber of my own junk. It feels like a true waking nightmare. My DPDR (depersonalisation/derealisation) + dissociation especially is so bad i cant even look in the mirror anymore. i cant even relax and be comfortable while i rest all day, i cant try to express myself or form an attachment to my personal identity. i feel scared, i feel so sad. I want a mentally managable+comfortable life for myself, even if im physically sick. I am yearning for some peace within my body and brain but my body is not a safe place to be for me. It feels like a crime scene. I feel confused and angry and like i dont exist. I have no idea who i am anymore or what is even means to be. I want help so so badly, i want friends and a normal life. But right now i am so deeply sad, depressed, terrified and hurting literally all the time. My brain is never settled. OCD IS HORRIFIC. everything i have going on just all feeds into eachother and creates a never ending snowball effect. I have almost no hope left. i have been turned away so many times by practitioners because of my complex case+diagnoses. I dont feel safe around anyone at all, including the little family and like 2 friends i have. i talk to no one most days. I genuinely feel like im going insane invisibly disappearing into nothingness and no one has the resources to help me. i just want friends, community and a practitioner who is educated enough to take on my case load. please god. i cannot suffer alone anymore, i wish i could just wake up as someone else. - i would love any advice, tips, resources, or just general community or any words at all from anyone tbh. ♥

also i tried to post this just before but idk if it worked so im sorryyyy if it posted twice it wasnt on purpose im still figuring this out !! :3