hi ★ lost and afraid

Hi @prettypigeon

Welcome to the forums. No need to apologise about the double post. I've removed the duplicate post, it takes time to navigate the forums. I'm really glad you have found your way here and joined the community.

I appreciate you sharing and opening up about your experiences. Reading your post, I can hear how much you're carrying, right now. I recognise how deeply frightening, exhausting, distressing and lonely this can all be to navigate on your own. The way you've described feeling disconnected and struggling to find any comfort, is a really hard place to be. I realise how disorienting, relentless and intensely overwhelming this can feel with everything you've been facing.

I'm also sorry to hear of your experiences with practitioners. Reaching out for help and not finding the support, understanding can feel really awful and discouraging. While everyones situation is different, it can take time to find the right support, and the support can take many forms, and what feels helpful for one person may look quite different for someone else.

It sounds like you're navigating a lot right now. Reaching out and sharing isn't always easy, and I acknowledge the courage and persistentence this can take.

You aren't alone in feeling this way-many members join the forums when facing isolation, distress and barriers to getting mental health support. The forums provide a safe space for sharing-there is no pressure here whatever feels right and comfortable for you. The forums are here for seeking connection, understanding and support from others, many members also share helpful information, resources and advice. I'm really glad you've reached out. I hope things feel a little lighter and less overwhelming, and that you find this to be a supportive space, find connection that feels helpful to you.

You're very welcome here.

Wonderingalice1

Hi@prettypigeon,

I am so sorry you are carrying this heavy load on your shoulders. I too have cptsd and it can make you pretty sick all the time. I have aches, headaches, nausea, dizziness and tightness and pain from the aches. Not to mention all the mental side of things like anxiety, panic, stress and feeling unsafe at times.

The first thing you need to do hunny is find a GP in your local area that is trauma informed or has a special interest in mental health. Not all GPs are created equal. Ring around and ask if they have a GP that has an interest in mental health or is trauma informed. If they say no ,ask them if they know another medical centre that might have a GP that deals in those areas. Keep trying until you do find one. It might take some time.

Once you find one you will need a mental health care plan from them and be on the right medication.Ask your GP if they can recommend a psychologist in your area. You'll probably also need to see a psychiatrist also for the correct medication. They can be pricey unless you see a public one but a private one is better.

The next thing you can do is contact Victims Services in your area where you can fill an application online or print it out to get your therapy with a psychologist paid for. You can also apply for financial assistance. Take your time while you do this and ask a friend to fill out the application if it's too overwhelming.

Your body has learnt that over a long time that you are unsafe. It will take time for your body to unlearn it.

I recommned doing this boxed breathing to calm you down, you need to do it everyday even if you are calm.

Here is the link and the one that i follow. There are other techniques but this is an important one.

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/8SkhiNmk614

If you have any more questions please feel free to ask. Sending you hugs.

Hey @prettypigeon

I’m not sure if this helps, but my wife went through something quite similar before we met. For about six years she saw different psychiatrists, psychologists and OTs, tried medications and had hospital admissions for severe personalization and deserialization, but often felt “too complex” and like nothing was helping.

She barely left the house, lived to sleep, was scared of everything, and even family could feel unfamiliar or unreal. She described it as feeling like she was living in a nightmare and like nobody really understood what was happening.

For her, things slowly started changing through small connections to the outside world. A neighbour kept inviting her on walks and later gave her a few shifts in their shop. It was really hard at first, especially being around people again, but over time it helped her rebuild confidence, a sense of self and an interest in life. She started making small goals, spending more time in nature and finding things she cared about and could look forward to.

I know your circumstances are different, especially being housebound, and I’m not suggesting the same things will work for you. I just wanted to share because so much of what you wrote sounded familiar. She has had very few symptoms like that for a long time now, so I hope knowing someone else has been in a similar place and come through it gives you even a little hope that things can change.

As someone who also used to be very isolated I understand how hard it can be. But, I believe in you! And I believe that with the thoughtfulness and I would say insight that you have and you will be able to move towards a brighter future!

It took time for me as well but everything that was hard for me in the past has helped me to grow into who I am today and I hope that it will help you to grow into a a beautiful human being as well!

Hi @prettypigeon,

Hi again i hope we haven't overwhelmed you. You mentioned that you have cptsd, DPDR, OCD. These conditions are all related to trauma. Think of them all as one. You see the thing with CPTSD is that you do get depersonalization and dissocaitation on some level for some people its worse or less.

You also get intrusrive thoughts which is pretty much OCD. Since OCD is all about intrusive thoughts. An intrusive thought is an anxious thought and the reason we get them is because your body is trying to keep you safe. Your body is saying i am going to get your attention you are in danger so i will give you an intrusvie or distressing thought. The reality is you are not in danger but it's all your body knows. But basicially all related to trauma.

With CPTSD there is a disconnect between the mind and body. This is caused by having unprcocessed memories or experiences. It basically causes a glitch in the system . So what a psychologist will help you with is to bring these back together as one. Your body is stuck in fight/flight, freeze or fawn state. When you get the depersonalization/ dissociation - your body is basically saying too much so it shuts down. It's saying i can't handle this i am shutting down so that's why you get the depersonalization/ derealisation and dissocation.

I would think of it as trauma and autism. No you are not too much too handle. We just need to find the right GP and therapist. I think those doctors you saw previously were not qualified and pathetic. I think sometimes if something is out of their depth they could refer you to someone else but they never do.

When you are ready pick up the phone and call a medical centre or doctors surgery and ask. A GP is simply a GP. They are not a specialist. I think of a GP as a directory and referral system rather than someone who can actually treat me. Usually they are always sending you for tests or to see a therapist or specialist. All they need to do is listen to you and write a mental healh care plan. Yes you might have chronic medical issues but their main focus should be on the thing you visited them for. Take it easy hunny. We are here for you.

Hi@prettypigeon,

Here is a link where you can find GP's in your area regardless of what part of Australia you are from.

https://www.healthdirect.gov.au/australian-health-services/guided-search/general-practice

Hi again @prettypigeon

Here is a link for DPDR. It gets straight to the techniques such as grounding. The 5-4-3-2-1 technique.

Name 5 things you can see in the room. Touch 4 things, feel their texture. Listen to 3 different sounds you can hear. Name 2 smells you can smell or would like to smell. Name one thing you can taste in your mouth or you would like to taste. This works by bringing you back to the present moment.

https://trcgroup.org.uk/grounding-techniques-for-depersonalisation-and-derealisation

Use these techniques as much as you need, the more the better. Not just once off it won't do anything. You need to do them each day so your nervous system re-learns safety.

Hi @prettypigeon, here is a peer resource for dissociation: https://di.org.au

Hi @prettypigeon

Just found this. https://www.goodtherapy.com.au/therapist/find

A directory you can use to find a therapist in your area.

sorry for the late response, ive been going thru it. but thankyou so much for your reply it really means a lot :,) 🫂♥️