How do I deal with this?

Welcome to the forums @SunWolfMoon ,

Great you've been able to post and share a little about yourself. I can see that you are wanting things to improve and working to find your feet. It sounds like these friends have really made a world of difference to you. I can see this is a reason why you feel you really want things to improve.

What supports have you had in the past?

Hi @BAO !Thankyou for taking interest in my post.

For context My parents divorced when I was quite young and I was forced to grow up and raise my younger brother. Through this I’ve been given multiple therapists over the years to try and ‘support’ me however I feel as though I can’t get better. I’m told to just breathe and take things day by day but not one of them has helped me learn how to do that? How can I switch off my survival mode that protected me through my fathers abuse, that protective instinct that in turn made me forget who I was in order to protect my brother like my mother told me to do.

My mother only really cared about my younger brother, one because he was born a boy and has amazing grades and sports. And because he’s not ‘broken’ like I am. I’m trans and have known my whole life I’ve come out to her multiple times and she continues to ignore me. I live with my mother since my father still has custody of my brother and due to my mothers mental and physical state it’s left to me to basically be her unpaid 24/7 caregiver since she refuses to get help. I work alot and one of my coworkers has helped me feel more valid in my feelings as he went through similar things in childhood. But other than that I’m kind of on my own?

My support aka my friends and my partner all live in America whilst I live in Australia so it’s kind of I’m between a rock and a hard place? I don’t know how to get better so I can move over there and get support. But in order to get there I need support to get better? It’s sort of like a loop inwhich i don’t know how to break the cycle. I did a bit of googling which led me here to see if anyone’s been able to overcome a challenge like this, to give me an idea or even just advice on how to get through this so I can finally stop surviving and start living the life I never had the chance to have.

Hi @SunWolfMoon,

I'm wondering if your therapists didn't specialise in childhood trauma and abuse? It sounds like they focussed on grounding as a temporary relief strategy (which is important), but didn't unpack your needs that require addressing to heal and move forward: https://blueknot.org.au/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/29_BK_FS_TowardsRecovery_DEC23.pdf

Peer support may also be helpful:

• https://www.charlee.org.au
• https://rosesintheocean.com.au/peer-care-companion-warmline/ (provide a brief description of the type of peer you would like to be matched with if possible).

SANE also has its Recovery Club https://www.sane.org/recovery-club

Please let us know what you think of these.

Hi @Radder

Thankyou so much I will definitely have a look at these when I have some time tommorrow! I really appreciate being pointed in the right direction so Thankyou so much!