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Carer of someone with trauma

reachingout978New Contributor23 Aug 2026, 5:31 pm AEST

Carer of someone with trauma

I've been caring for a parent with trauma for years - they are unable to make decisions (big or small) and are plagued with fear to get anything done and move on with life. I've realised the pattern over the decades of enmeshment and codependency is really beginning to affect me. I go through a cycle of walking on egg shells, exploding and saying sharp things unhealthily then going through strong boughts of guilt and crying alone. I then try to be kinder and the cycle repeats. I am never able to just exist. I have to monitor and be careful what I say so it doesn't impact my parent. I love them and care for them and i hate that they are suffering, however the result of their behaviors is now impacting my emotional state long term and its not sustainable. Is anyone else going through this? I'd love to talk. I've tried counselling but they dont seem to understand the complexities and conflicting feelings associated with this kind of relationship.

3 replies

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In response to: Carer of someone with trauma

AppleblossomSenior Contributor23 Aug 2026, 7:14 pm AEST

Re: Carer of someone with trauma

@reachingout978

Tough situation. Sadly, I can relate as a kid and as a parent. I am not good with boundaries, but have researched and keep trying to figure out how to family life with LOVE but without enmeshment. I will keep trying. I have found with complex family dynamics it seems to take a therapist a LONG time to start to comprehend, to be able to make relevant suggestions or comments. Find ways of valuing your needs, and putting some space in the relationship. Duty of care with parent and adult child is different. You owe yourself a life.

In response to: Carer of someone with trauma

Misty7Senior Contributor23 Aug 2026, 7:47 pm AEST

Re: Carer of someone with trauma

Hi @reachingout978,

Sorry to hear that you are going through this. Just wondering has your parent had therapy for their trauma? Putting it all on you is unfair.

In response to: Carer of someone with trauma

esperanteCasual Contributor26 Aug 2026, 12:45 am AEST

Re: Carer of someone with trauma

Thank you for sharing your situation. I'm sorry that I don't have any insight to offer, though others here seem to.

I just wanted to say that your description of your parent sounds like me, especially the bit about being "unable to make decisions (big or small) and ... plagued with fear to get anything done". I've been struggling with trauma my whole life, keeping my head above water alongside it for a lot of the time. Recently, though, my social circumstances have gotten so bad that I've ended up severely trapped in exactly what you described of your parent.

So, thanks for your message — at least I know I'm not alone.

And as for the children I don't have, evidently it's lucky for them that I don't have them.

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