FORUMS

Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

  • 47,612Members
  • 1,358,869Posts
  • 1,400,000Visitors
Our stories

DogMan's Journal

DogMan's Journal

I seems that weekend coffee threads are a thing of the past. Which were my main space to share about myself

I thought I'd start my own thread. My username is a reference to the AFL team. I don't have a pet dog. I love dogs, but live in a small unit with 2 cockatiels (Collectively known as "The Chook Mans")

I've been in the mental health care system since 2003. At that time, I really hadn't seen any doctor for 12 years. The family who adopted me in my adolescence never once took me to a doctor

2003, during my honours year in a Fine Arts degree, I presented at uni health services in a mess. I said that I was embarrassed to be there, I requested a female doctor. So I think they assumed I had issues with my junk. And she quite taken aback when I mentioned psychotic symptoms

I was referred to CATT. Lots of it was done by phone. I had an in person appointment with the CMHT. The psychiatrist there said she suspected Schizophrenia. We negotiated no hospital as long as I gained weight prior to next appointment (I had some funny ideas about food and farming)

The antipsychotics made me very hungry. So that was rather easy

I did manage to graduate. My 4th year marks weren't great. Then I sort of accidentally met someone who knew someone looking for casual staff in childcare. So I applied and worked in childcare. Progressing up through ful time permanent staff

I moved a lot in Canberra, but did okay for years

2009 I had a big relapse. I took 6 weeks off work. I did have that much leave accrued. Since I rarely took leave. But when I returned, the dynamic changed and I was on the outer. My job became untenable

I moved to regional victoria and enrolled in a Master of IT (A conversion masters. So similar to undergrad but shorter. Which is possible if you have a degree in another discipline)

Mid way through, my housemate left chips cooking on the stove and accidentally burned my house down

So I took an early exit point of a Postgraduate Certificate. I contacted my mum, who I had had very little to do with since I was adopted in the early 90s (It's a long story)

I briefly stayed with mum by the beach

My sister got divorced around the same time. So I found somewhere to live with my sister in Melbourne. It didn't last long, the landlord developed the property into apartments

A period of couch surfing and homelessness followed

My (bio) mum's health had deteriorated and doctors recommended she didn't live alone. We moved into Social Housing together. We moved here in 2012, mum died in 2024, which was apparently her record for staying in one place. I'm still in the same unit and it's my record too

Lockdown broke me. I've seen various outpatient services. And professionals have played "Musical Chairs" with my diagnosis specifics. They all agree on Schizophrenia and Seasonal Affective Disorder. But other additions include OCD, PTSD, OSDD, ASD and others

I've been with my current psychologist since 2022. Which is a record for me. I've had longer dealings with psychiatrists, but not psychologists. I don't currently have a psychiatrist. But my GP formerly worked in psychiatry in the UK

My Psychologist is trying to get me into a psychiatrist. They keep deeming me "Outside their scope". I'm currently being referred to the local CFMHS Forensic Service. The "Harm OCD" is currently being viewed as actually potentially dangerous

I do a monthly zoom peer group for voice hearers. I think next Monday is our next meeting

My team want me to apply for the NDIS. They actually signed me up without my consent in 2018. I was grandfathered onto the scheme from it's predecessors. I opted out straight away

So that's a bit about me

@fluttershy1 @taali @cuddlebear @chasingsunsets @missgremlin @dimity @appleblossum @nala2022 @bow @captain24 @jynx @smilinggecko

I don't really know who to tag. I've generally aimed for active people who are generally nice to me

Picture of chook mans:

122 replies

91 - 100 of 122
1...91011...13

In response to: DogMan's Journal

Re: DogMan's Journal

Hi @DogMan79 ,

Sounds like you’ve had a lot going on this week! I’m glad you’re feeling pretty good after the medication cross-taper, even if you’re feeling a bit dopey. Hopefully that settles as you adjust

It must be a little frustrating not knowing what the outcome of the forensic team’s involvement will be, especially if your psychologist was hoping for more ongoing support. Hopefully their report gives you both a clearer idea of the next steps

Sorry to hear your elbows are giving you grief, though! What sort of PC did you manage to pick up? 😊

In response to: DogMan's Journal

Re: DogMan's Journal

@Nala2022

That storage won't display correctly. I've set aside about half for linux (My main OS) but not installed it yet

I need to buy a proper monitor. I'm currently using my old AIO PC in HDMI mode, which works fine BUT won't let me access the boot menu or bios menu in the lenovo machine. Something about the way they communicate lagging. So I cannot boot it from USB to install *nix yet

In response to: DogMan's Journal

Re: DogMan's Journal

@DogMan79 Sounds like you’ve got a bit of a project on your hands with getting everything set up! Hopefully once you’ve got a proper monitor, you’ll be able to get Linux installed without too much more trouble 😊

I wish I was tech savvy, this sort of thing makes me feel overwhelmed 😅

In response to: DogMan's Journal

Re: DogMan's Journal

Oh @DogMan79 I have had similar thoughts about the words we use, got annoyed by the associations of the word "triggered", and then use it myself. Lol It has relatively recent slipped into jargon, but yes, overused. Didn't hear it much 20 years ago. Hormonal cascade could describe it. Talking with feeling words isn't my strength. Residual agitation may describe it, but I seem good at masking.

I move between wanting to be concise and accurate, but not too mechanistic when describing human states. That's why doing music helps me.

You are much more tekky than I, but it is good to 'talk" with you.

In response to: DogMan's Journal

Re: DogMan's Journal

@taali @cuddlebear @chasingsunsets @missgremlin @dimity @Appleblossom @nala2022 @Jynx

Another big week

Coffee club at the library on Tuesday

Therapy on Thursday. We didn't get to my notes at all. The session was completely taken up by debriefing my psychologist's meeting with the forensic team

It sounds promising. Like they might get the local hospital MH service working with me, for case management and psychiatry. Something which has lacked in my care for several years

It was an exhausting appointment. And an overstimulating one. Going deep into what trigers aggresive outbursts etc

In response to: DogMan's Journal

Re: DogMan's Journal

@DogMan79 Sounds hopeful, but DIFFICULT WORK. What are the things you like to do to calm down?

In response to: DogMan's Journal

Re: DogMan's Journal

@Appleblossom

I went for a beach walk after the appointment to calm down

But I still need to settle my nervous system, days later

In response to: DogMan's Journal

Re: DogMan's Journal

Hearing you about how long it can take to fully calm and regulate after our nervous systems are agitated.

@DogMan79 I like a beach walk, but tend to do a river walk more often as it is closer.

Lets hope it unfolds well.

We have forensics involved, but honestly I think it is because of the problems of power imbalances in my family and the s**t way my son has been treated. Creates a trauma - stockholm syndrome style loop. Anyway that is what I have witnessed. Nothing makes sense as my son has never drunk, smoked or done anything criminal, it all about excessive force by the services. Now I am traumatised watching it, let alone what it has done to him.

Not sure what your full situation is.

I was taught to release anger in a form of gestalt therapy when I was about 24. It taught me to safely discharge some of the energy without directing it at a person. It showed me that anger has a human survival purpose, and is not of itself, evil. I had not really felt comfortable enough to feel anger at that time, but later when I finally did, it was useful.

In response to: DogMan's Journal

Re: DogMan's Journal

@DogMan79 kudos for doing the work. It seems to take time to settle and reprocess after tickling (understatement) the synapses and dissecting old connections.

Howdy @Appleblossom . Hope you're bearing up with the vicarious trauma on top of your history.

My morning dip into poetry today brought up reference to Vincent's 'At eternity's gate' and the phrase "the refined anguish of language"... unusually solemn of Mary Oliver.

In response to: DogMan's Journal

Re: DogMan's Journal

Hi @DogMan79, that sounds like a really full and emotionally demanding week. It’s encouraging that there may be an opportunity for more coordinated support through your local mental health service, especially after going without that level of care for so long. I hope you can give yourself some space to decompress after such an intense session, and that there’s time to come back to your notes at your next appointment 💛

91 - 100 of 122
1...91011...13