Trying to support him without losing myself

Hi everyone, I’m new here and I’m not really sure where to start.

I’m supporting my partner who has been struggling a lot with his mental health recently, alongside some significant physical health problems and chronic pain.

He was medically discharged from the military in 2019, after serving for over a decade, and I think even seven years later he is still struggling with the impact of that transition and losing such a huge part of his life and identity. There are things from his service that he carries with him, and lately it feels like everything has become a lot heavier for him.

Things have become particularly difficult recently, and there have been times where I’ve been genuinely worried about his wellbeing and have had to make decisions about getting him help, even when he hasn’t necessarily agreed with me at the time.

I love him enormously, but I’m finding the whole situation really hard to navigate. Sometimes I don’t know where the line is between supporting someone, giving them space, and stepping in because you’re worried about their safety.

We also have young children, so I’m constantly trying to make sure they’re okay and life stays as normal as possible for them while also supporting my partner. I feel like I’m always watching, worrying and trying to work out what the right thing to do is.

I think one of the hardest parts is that when someone you love is struggling mentally, they don’t always see your concern as concern. Sometimes attempts to help can be interpreted as not trusting them or being against them, when really you’re just scared and trying to keep everyone safe.

I joined because I’d really like to hear from other partners, carers or family members who have been through something similar — particularly anyone supporting a veteran or someone who has struggled after leaving the military.

How do you support someone you love without completely losing yourself in the process? And how do you cope with the guilt or second-guessing when you have to make difficult decisions for their wellbeing?

Thanks for giving me somewhere to get this out. ❤️