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Where do I start?

CarloSenior Contributor

Where do I start?

I have been living with someone who has BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder).

Normally I cope and ride the cycles with counselling and meditation.

My partner gets triggered, loses it, and then spends the day in bed. She comes out to yell at me and tell me what I have done wrong. I become defensive and overreact.

I know she has no control over this.

How do I practice self-care?

How do I best support her?

How do I give her feedback without verbally attacking her in defense?

This has been going on for almost 30 years, but she doesn't want to get help. I feel that I am also walking on eggshells and reluctant to engage as I fear another episode of harm or abuse to me.

2 replies

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In response to: Where do I start?

RadderSenior Contributor

Re: Where do I start?

Hi @Carlo , living in that situation must be mentally, physically and emotionally exhausting. It's wise that you've shared with this forum - welcome!

You already seem to be practicing great self care in counselling and meditation. There is no shame in looking after yourself first - you can help your partner better if you are in a good space yourself. It's the old "fit your own oxygen mask first before helping others". Additional grounding is at https://www.lifeline.org.au/get-help/support-toolkit/techniques-and-guides/finding-relief-through-grounding-techniques

Some articles that may help:

Perhaps also check out these organisations:

Please keep us updated!

In response to: Where do I start?

CarloSenior Contributor

Re: Where do I start?

Thank you @Radder Very useful information.

I have to accept that she has no control over this and is unable to moderate her anger. It's just me she pays out on.

I will focus on self-care and taking myself out of the firing line.

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