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Setting Family Boundaries

Banjo94New Contributor15 Aug 2026, 9:46 pm AEST

Setting Family Boundaries

Hi all, hope you're doing well. I'm new to this forum as I've just signed up, I have used Sane in the past and also had plenty of therapy. I'm thankfully finally in a great place in my life, grown into a really happy version and evolved so much. Mentally I'm so proud of myself but as of recent something that has been brewing for a while is starting to take a toll on my mental health, and effecting my partner also. I'm looking for any form of support/advice I can gather from others with similar experiences. Long story short I come from a Nuclear family, close knit and although this is uncomfortable for me to talk about it's something I need to get off my chest. As of the past few years my mum has seemed to be getting a little worse in this area, seeming to project her fears and trauma upon me, using me as her therapist and constantly worrying 24/7 it's almost suffocating, being the youngest sibling of 3, my two older siblings having kids, a house and stable full time lives in seen as someone to be constantly worried about and almost "the black sheep" the concerning one, with no independence which are all false. I'm needing support and advice on how to set healthy boundaries, especially myself as an empath without any conflict or blowing up as. I'm needing support on how to word these kind of things as it's something I've never dealt with the experience of before. Thank you, kind regards Banjo94

2 replies

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In response to: Setting Family Boundaries

Misty7Senior Contributor15 Aug 2026, 11:31 pm AEST

Re: Setting Family Boundaries

Hi@Banjo94,

I hear your frustration it must be hard been under the same roof and feel less than when your mum makes comments like those you have mentioned. It can make you feel judged and hurt your self-esteem.You need to remind your mum that you are not your siblings and that you do have a partner. Remind her also how hard you have worked to overcome mental health challenges. Even if it irritates you or upsets you tell her that you will one day get your own place and she doesn't need to worry that much because it's bad for her health. You are saving your money by not having to rent so you can get enough for a deposit. Hopefully that will calm her down a bit. Tell her that you are happy that you have overcome your mental health issues. Also tell her that you are not happy when she makes unhelpful comments or comparisons. Say to your mum, I know you are worried but how does this actually help me? it makes it harder for me to make progress when you make hurtful comments.I know this is easier said than done. Having boundaries is important otherwise family members will continue to step on your toes.

In response to: Setting Family Boundaries

Nala2022Moderator16 Aug 2026, 6:56 am AEST

Re: Setting Family Boundaries

Hi @Banjo94, welcome to the forums 😊

It sounds like you’ve done a lot of work on yourself and it’s really understandable that this situation with your mum is starting to feel overwhelming, especially when you feel like you’re carrying her worries as well as your own

Setting boundaries can be difficult, particularly with family. Sometimes it can help to keep the wording simple and focus on what you need, for example, “I care about you, but I don’t have the capacity to talk about this right now” or “I understand you’re worried, but I need you to trust that I’m okay.” You may find Therapist Aid helpful, as they have a range of free worksheets and practical tools covering boundaries, communication and other areas that can be useful when working through difficult situations. Here is the link: https://www.therapistaid.com/

You might also find Relationships Australia https://www.relationships.org.au/ or speaking with your own therapist (if you still have one) helpful for working through family boundaries and how to communicate them in a way that feels right for you.

I hope you find the forums a supportive space and connect with others who can relate to what you’re going through

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