Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

47,612Members
1,358,869Posts
1,400,000Visitors

I am new here! Informal carer of three family members.

HayleyWilliams1New Contributor23 Mar 2017, 6:58 pm AEDT

I am new here! Informal carer of three family members.

Hi all,

I am an informal carer for 3 people. My mother (Depression, Anxiety), my Brother (Chronic Depression, OCD and Anxiety - Some Borderline Personality Traits) and my other brother (Panic Disorder, Anxiety, Depression and Bipolar Disorder).

I am drowning in the stress following my brothers acute episode where he was hospitalised, it was then felt throughout all the family members and we are all currently still striggling with my brothers inability to make financial descisions and his inability to look after his financial situation and then demanding money from family members. He has been homeless and then living on my other brothers floor and they have been fighting like crazy.

If we don't give it to him, he blames us for him starving. I realised that this is a totally unhealthy way and probably makes the situation worse by always bailing him out. He has to be the most complicated person I have ever known and abuses all members of the family if we try and talk to him about his situation.

It has made talking with him impossible and he continues to make unreasonable demands for money on an ongoing basis. If we say no, he says that he will starve or his has no money to live. We try and link him in with services but he won't have a bar of it.

Any thoughts?

7 replies

1 - 7 of 7

In response to: I am new here! Informal carer of three family members.

BeHappySenior Contributor24 Mar 2017, 5:53 pm AEDT

Re: I am new here! Informal carer of three family members.

Hi @HayleyWilliams1,

Oh my, the situation with your brother sounds stressful.

What does your brother wants the money for? Is it possible to buy these items (e.g., food) directly for him?

As you mentioned giving into his demands for money can reward and reinforce his behaviour. So it might be possible to try and meet him in the middle. It might also be worth giving him money on conditions. Such as, on the basis, that he will get support from services.

Does your brother have a diagnosis? It might help in understanding his behaviour a bit more.

In response to: I am new here! Informal carer of three family members.

Unknown userMember24 Mar 2017, 10:11 pm AEDT

Re: I am new here! Informal carer of three family members.

Hi @HayleyWilliams1

First of all, welcome to the forum. It sounds like you have an enormous load at the moment and this forum will hopefully provide a place of solace and some time out just for you.

With regards to the situation with your brother, wow, that sounds awfully difficult. Most mental health agencies will be able to either provide or refer you to a place where you can get family counselling or carer support.

I wish you all the best.

Shel49

In response to: Re: I am new here! Informal carer of three family members.

KyleUliCasual Contributor26 Mar 2017, 9:05 pm AEDT

Re: I am new here! Informal carer of three family members.

I posted on another thread that i dont know how to view. Also Is there anything i can say to stop a significant other from risky sexual encounters. What has worked for others. I need to move FAST

In response to: I am new here! Informal carer of three family members.

Unknown userMember28 Mar 2017, 6:15 pm AEDT

Re: I am new here! Informal carer of three family members.

@HayleyWilliams1, I don't have many wise words for you accept SELF CARE, be sure you know your values and needs and keep those boundaries and to tell you my story so you dont feel so alone. Both my parents have always suffered anxiety and mum has manic depression. Needless to say we (x6 children) are all traumatised by their violent mood swings. We all have anxiety and depression but the worst is the youngest two who have paranoid psychosis (schizophrenia). They are argumentative, demanding, mischevious, and manipulative. They smoke weed & gamnle so always broke and lile you twist things around to blame others for their mystery instead of taking responsibility. I've seen them in teats sponging hundreds a month from our parents. I try to p stay in n touch with them but they persist in offensive content which o refuse to tolerate. Lucky I'm broke myself and live 1200k away now. Everything is about them. But they do receive DSP from central nk and live in community housing and are under the supervision of the local Mental Health team. Does your brother have access to these?
Their need is so great it can suck you under so do create some space. Talk to professionals in the area who can help. I have to hope there s a chance they will change or be healed or go onto a remission, but we can't make them. Look after you or you'll have nothing yo give xox

In response to: I am new here! Informal carer of three family members.

Unknown userMember29 Mar 2017, 5:16 pm AEDT

Re: I am new here! Informal carer of three family members.

Hi @HayleyWilliams1

A warm welcome to you also, nice to have you here with us.

I see you've had a few respnses which is great and some good points being highlighted along the way. Thats the beauty of these forums.

One other aspect which I consider very important in life but especailaly whithin the topic of MI is boundary setting. I've highlighted a Sane blog which may be of interest, Boundary Setting and Mental Illness.

Here are a few other carer blogs in case you'd like some further reading.

Avoid carer burnout

CBT and Mindfulness for carers

What I wish I knew when I became a carer

Take Care,

Pebbles

In response to: Re: I am new here! Informal carer of three family members.

CherryBombSenior Contributor29 Mar 2017, 5:55 pm AEDT

Re: I am new here! Informal carer of three family members.

Hi @KyleUli,

May I ask if your significant other has a diagnosis? The reason I ask is because we had a discussion on bipolar last night, and impuslivity and increased libido can happen in mania, which is a symptom of bipolar. There were some great tips offered in this discussion.

In response to: Re: I am new here! Informal carer of three family members.

KyleUliCasual Contributor31 Mar 2017, 7:04 pm AEDT

Re: I am new here! Informal carer of three family members.

yes shes been diagnosed and goes to therapy. She keeps stopping her medication on and off.

1 - 7 of 7