Help! - These Psychiatrists have ruined my life!

I need to vent. I've been treated for Paranoid Schizophrenia since I was diagnosed 26 years ago.
Medical opinion has changed frequently and often. Medications have changed repeatedly.

Many times when I've queried I've been given a prepared sounding answer, eg 'Psychiatry is an imprecise branch of medicine with a lot of gray areas and overlap of symptoms and opinion'.

At times I've been dragged in and out of Mental Health Courts because of angry outbursts through sheer frustration. The most recent matter was allowed to drag on for a decade in the courts. Even with my extensive recorded history of instability and suicide attempts.

At times, court psychiatrists couldn't agree and my legal issue was bounced backwards and forwards from court to court. After intervention from several political departments all matters were dismissed outright.

But what a toll it has taken! And ridiculous costs to the taxpayer too. I had been determined to plead 'not guilty' and expressed this clearly.

These days I find it hard to access psychiatric support. Am I being considered too difficult to treat? A recent trip to my local Emergency Department with genuine suicidal ideations, I was turned away at the front counter. 'Go Home!' was the directive.

I feel marginalised, undervalued and largely forgotten about. Many life opportunities have been missed as past Doctors insisted that I was hospitalised, against my will, sometimes on legal orders, to be treated for 'gray area' conditions.

Nobody apologises or sympathises for a lifetime of medical 'experimentation' and guesswork. It's just tough luck apparently. As life passed me by!

It's a struggle to look forward to a more positive future but what else can I do? Afterall, if I don't have hope, I have nothing!

Rant over.