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Partner's Illness Destroying Our Relationship

stressedsapphicCasual Contributor24 July 2026, 11:49 am AEST

Partner's Illness Destroying Our Relationship

Hi Everyone,

I'm new here and I had no intention of actually posting or anything but I honestly have gotten to the point where I don't know what to do. My partner and I have been together for almost three years now and it was so wonderful at first but after a while she started struggling a lot and now almost every aspect of our relationship is about her. She was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder about five or six years ago and managed it with medication, however she claims it was affecting her ability to stay employed so she made the decision to stop the meds (didn't bother consulting with me or her family or her psychiatrist). Shortly after that the psychotic symptoms re-emerged and I have gone from being her partner to her carer. I'm not even 30 yet. I did not sign up for this. I didn't sign up for everything to be about her and her needs and her emotions with all of my needs being completely tossed out the window. I didn't sign up to not be able to go out without something triggering her every single time. I didn't sign up for the mood swings or the depression. I didn't sign up to be with someone whose delusions apparently make her pine after some woman who she was apparently in love with half a decade ago and wants absolutely nothing to do with her. I called her during my lunch break today because I thought "I feel sick, depressed and lonely, maybe a chat with my girlfriend will help" but she didn't even bother asking me how my day was, just talked about all the things she has to do today and how hard it is decide what exactly she's going to do and cook and I just feel so lonely and angry and frustrated, and it's not helping that I'm stuck in the middle of a depressive episode. I had to detox from my antidepressants so I can start a new one but when I tried talking to her about it because I could use some support she started going on a rant about how much she hates medication and side effects and how if my antidepressants aren't working I should just try eating healthier and see if that makes a difference to my mental health. I'm just so done with everything and I feel like a terrible person for being so angry about the situation.

Sorry. Rant over.

Thanks,

The Stressed Sapphic

3 replies

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In response to: Partner's Illness Destroying Our Relationship

hopeful_hannahModerator24 July 2026, 12:32 pm AEST

Re: Partner's Illness Destroying Our Relationship

@stressedsapphic Hello and welcome to the SANE forums. I am so glad you chose to reach out and have a vent today. It really can help sometimes hey? Just having somewhere to say the things out loud, relieve the pressure valve a bit. Thank you for showing up in this space so openly and honestly, that's not always easy to do.

There will be others in this beautiful community who will be able to relate and will likely jump in to offer support. We are glad you're here with us.

It sounds like a super challenging situation with your partner at the moment. I can understand why you would be feeling overwhelmed and unsupported. Have you got any supports in place at all?

You might be interested in checking out the Recovery Club. You could take advantage of the one-on-one support sessions and have someone to talk to if you like. Here is the link to more information and registration, access is fast and it's all free Welcome to SANE’s Recovery Club

Sending you all my best. You're not alone ok?

hopeful_hannah :)

In response to: Partner's Illness Destroying Our Relationship

stressedsapphicCasual Contributor24 July 2026, 12:42 pm AEST

Re: Partner's Illness Destroying Our Relationship

Thank you so much for your beautiful words. In terms of support, I have a therapist, but I only see her every month or two (therapy is expensive 😬). I don't have anything else though. Thanks for the suggestion of the Recovery Club!! I'll be sure to check it out!

In response to: Partner's Illness Destroying Our Relationship

SmilingGeckoSenior Contributor24 July 2026, 2:34 pm AEST

Re: Partner's Illness Destroying Our Relationship

@stressedsapphic It can be very daunting as a carer. My sister-in-law was a mental health psychologist working in the public system and she told me the MI are trained to talk about themselves and dont know how to refrain from their own point of self reference. It becomes a habit and can be very damaging to relationships over time. They say therapy is to blame for this. This is common knowledge in the mental health sector and is a talking point amongst therapists.

I also tend to think if you are the person doing all the giving then the person who is non reciprocal thinks you dont have needs and will ignore what you want from the relationship. There are some relationships that work if the partner is MI and is self aware and is willing to look at their behavioural patterns and not bring "therapy" into their relationships. My ex-sister-in-law's husband had depression and he could not work but they stayed together.

While your partner is really sick I can still understand how lonely and burdensome this relationship is for you and youre wondering if its going to carry on adinfinitum and get worse. I'm totally in agreement staying for the long haul is a burden you might not be able to carry.

I had a friend with DID and her partner tried to stand by her but she never improved and in the end he just wanted out. His intentions were genuine he really wanted to see her well but it was a lonely walk for him with little or no reward. I think you want your partner to get better and to stop talking nonsense about not taking her meds and healing via diet. I think she has just had enough of psych meds and is looking in the dark for some quick fix.

I dont know your situation but its obviously very oppressive and you arent getting your needs met having to hold up a relationship that is wearing upon you leaving you alone and without supports yourself. Being 30 and being saddled with such responsibility can be very alienating and confining. You want some appreciation for what you do being a breadwinner and coming home to your partner hoping she will one day be in a better state of mind.

I've had to be there for friends that had serious problems. It would have been nice to have lighter responsibility but in the end I decided I had no other choice.

Maybe use this period to reflect upon what steps you want to take. I wouldnt go gun-ho and make a drastic decision but maybe get some clarity how youd like to move forwards. Therapy is expensive, nobody can afford it, its a luxury if you are outside the public system.

But I think you just are thinking about the type of future you had envisioned for yourself and if really you want to stay or go. I had a doctor I knew and friend with partners who were similar, they didnt offer details but it can be very hard going to work and doing all the giving and getting nothing in return. You feel stuck in an invidious situation you cant get out of shackled to a person that is draining you.

You might however be able to renegotiate the terms of your relationship before it becomes an ingrained habit and renew the terms annually like a contract. Sit down and discuss with your partner your expectations and what you want from the relationship. If it really just isnt workable you may be left with no other choice but to sever ties.

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