Dissociation worse with online everything

It's ironic to be writing this here; it's taken a while to get to it.

I'm able to use tech (including a tech role in the military), but I need real face-to-face interaction.

I was very uncomfortable with everything going to online connection in 2020; I managed but not like well people. I was well able to do the substance of my professional work, but got pushed out for seeking slightly reduced hours. (Later recognised as discrimination, but that doesn't get your job or health back).

I've known about my dissociation for a few years and try to deal with it practically. But my psych recently explained the depersonalisation and derealisation (again) in a way that helps me understand why online stuff doesn't feel real or 'safe' (I hate that word) to me. She said they don't tend to diagnose those when they're 'just' symptoms of trauma/ptsd unless they endure after treatment, which makes sense but also feels off.

I want to connect with real humans again but it's almost impossible. Thankfully I have my family - husband and two teens. I'm TPI'd out of work (although the military and super TPI was an administrative thing that never should've been total or permanent). I played soccer but have heart and cognitive/cognitive dissonance troubles with that. I do volunteer work but it's the off-season for that and I can't handle the pace of that very well.

When I do see people - which I sometimes still do - I'm just awkward to be around. I say too much mental health stuff, I don't think fast enough to keep up normally (and dissociate/lose track/forget too much), I sway and have vocal tics, I'm cranky about too many things, I forget things about other people so I know it seems like I'm self-centred in conversation, which I don't want to be/seem. I can be fun and kind and pleasant at times, eg for short periods or for a structured thing like sport or a game.

I'm waiting on another depression treatment, but the DVA approvals adds even more time to the wait for that (on top of literally years of waiting for other treatment, the delays and uncertainty and having to fight for it made my conditions so much worse).

I want to meet people irl who have had significant trouble with dissociating and gotten past it. (But not in DBT language). I don't like that help is channelled via online forums like this where we're literally not allowed to meet or know the real person, just 'anonymous for your safety' - which is the exact opposite of what I need. (I have previously enjoyed a mums group that met irl and had national online conversation, which was the best of both worlds). I joined a national online book club with local meetings but that just hasn't gelled (and as above, it's very hard not to seem awkward). I'll probably start study again this semester, but almost everything is online - I can deal with the content being online but need human interaction for exploring ideas.

Does anyone else get how dissociation is worse via tech?