Burnout and Isolation from Caring for my Younger Brother

@juneguitar hi juneguitar and welcome to the forums. it is really hard being the sibling of a brother or sister with a mental illness or disability. i am the mother of 2 with disabilities and mental illness and it is hard for the remaing child who has had to stand up and help out when i was also unwell. in my experience given time and the right amount of help things do improve albeit slowly. sometimes the help is needed life long as with us. it is a fragile situation to be in. well with us it is anyway. take care. i dont know if i have actually helped any i suppose i just wanted to help you feel less alone. love bunniekins

Sorry you feel tired.

Have you signed up recovery club counselling sessions? You can get a peer support session or a professional counsellor session.

There are five sessions per calendar year.

The recovery club plan is 20 pages but its not that effective so other than printing it out its not too important to fill out.

Then just chat to a sane counsellor about anything

I think....at 23 just pace yourself. If uni is too much then cut down a bit on units. If work is too much then cut down

If your brother is your priority then focus on him.

Otherwise step back.

I'm 38 and I live with my parents who have a lot of trauma themselves. My dad took me to the race courses with my brother as a form of family excursion. He just wanted to look at the horses and win on some bets.

My mum has a habit of saying things like "if you move to a boarding house you will hate it, it's terrible". She likes to say things that are completely left field.

I understand parents who are a bit iffy.

But yeah....having three kids you never know what you get.

Take it easy. Try and work out what you can do..and get some help for yourself.

I finished uni part time when I was 32.

Not all uni degrees lead to jobs.

You need to do things that make you happy.

Good luck and blessings

I'm really sorry this has happened to you. As a young person you're burdened with some very heavy problems. While at this age most people are focusing on themselves, you have had to care for your brother and worry about your mum while studying.

It's also hard when we can't share with friends. As you mentioned, it feels too heavy to bring up off hand, and most people aren't equipped to know how to just listen. I know first hand that sharing irl can often lead us into a very vulnerable place with people who aren't able to make us feel seen.

It's great that you've shared in a forum, it really helps to just offload in a safe space. Just know that what your going through is alot and you deserve support while you try to navigate🙏

Hello Juneguitar,

It sounds like you love your brother very much. It seems like You are the person in your family who connects with him the most, and somehow all the responsibility has fallen to You. I imagine that you *want to be there for him, but also now there is an expectation that you will continue as you are the person who supports him the best. And I guess you may wonder what would happen if you saw him less often, and became less involved. My daughter stepped in to emotionally support my son when she was quite young (16) She would sit with him for hours through the night, helping to regulate him. She says that she stepped in because she knew she could help. Like you, she compartmentalised, and did not talk with her friends about anything that was going on at home. She did have trusted teachers at school who would check in with her, and with their encouragement, she started seeing the school counsellor. This proved beneficial for her, as she was able to talk about her feelings, and they were able to assist with practical help, such as signing up with young carers etc. This is really tough for you, and I see the mixed feelings about wanting to be there for your brother, and also wanting your own life. Which is totally understandable. I encourage you to reach out for support to help work through this. My daughter moved out of home during VCE (she moved in with her grandparents), as the chaos at home was too tough for her. I totally respected her decision, and felt like she was doing the right things for her.

I wanted to thank everyone for your replies, they all mean a lot to me even though I don't have the energy to comment on them individually <3 I will definitely look into other supports on this site! I am lucky enough to have my own psychologist who recommended this site and you've all been so helpful

Wow @juneguitar you are really going through the proverbial....

You really sound like a pivotal person in your family, for which you should be commended and celebrated.

Thank you for choosing to share with us here.

Don't ever forget that you are important too and that having some time to care for yourself is important.

We don't judge anyone here and you can be assured that your very complex situation is understood as best it can be.

Go gently ✨️ dear friend.

Taali

@Hooey @Lozenge and everyone, take care of yourselves.

@Taali

Hi Sorry to hear that you are carrying all this weight on your shoulders. I encourage you to see a counsellor at your uni to get the support you need. Maybe you could cut down your hours to part time at uni or work or even both. You are under a lot of pressure and cannot do this all by yourself. If things got too much you could defer your studies, yeah I know it sux but it's not a life sentence. I know your mum is sick but they are the parents. Please take care.