@cass_lin
Welcome to the forums. I am really glad you posted.
What you describe makes sense in the context of seven years of constant caring, hospital stays, medical uncertainty and having to keep going for the people you love. Sometimes the mind and body keep functioning for a long time because they have to, then symptoms show up later when the system is overloaded.
Night terrors and sleep paralysis can feel terrifying, especially when you wake gasping and unable to call out. The image of being attacked and having no voice sounds deeply distressing. It does not mean you are weak, and it does not mean you have failed as a carer. It may be a sign that your body is trying to process a long period of stress, fear and responsibility.
A practical next step would be to treat this as important information, not something to just push through. Because this is new and involves waking gasping for air, it would be wise to let your GP, counsellor or another trusted health professional know what is happening. They can help check whether there is a sleep issue, anxiety response, trauma response, medication effect or something physical contributing to it.
It may also help to keep a simple sleep journal for a week or two. Just note:
Sleep time and wake time
How often you woke
Whether there was sleep paralysis or a terror
What the dream or body feeling was like
Stress level before bed
Medication, caffeine or anything unusual that day
How exhausted you felt the next morning
That gives you and your doctor something clear to work from, rather than trying to remember everything when you are already tired.
Please also be gentle with yourself about the caring role. Being a carer can make a person put themselves last for years. The strain can become invisible because everyone is focused on the person who is unwell, but the carer is still carrying a heavy load. Your needs matter too.
For the nights themselves, a small plan may help you feel less powerless. Something like a dim light, a grounding object beside the bed, slow breathing once you wake, placing your feet on the floor, naming the room you are in, and reminding yourself, “I am awake now, I am safe now, this is my body coming down from stress.” Simple, repeated steps can give your mind something familiar to return to after a frightening episode.
You have been holding a lot for a long time. This sounds like a signal that your own care now needs to move higher on the list. Reaching for support is not taking anything away from your husband or daughter. It is part of keeping the whole family system steadier.
