Hi there,
I am really sorry you have had such a frightening and exhausting year. What happened with your sister was traumatic, and then on top of that you have had your daughter hurting, surgeries, headaches, blood pressure worries and your own aneurysm history sitting in the background. That is not just everyday stress. That is your mind and body being on alert for a long time.
I think it makes sense that going back to work feels scary, even with restricted hours and a supportive workplace. Your brain is probably asking, “What if I cannot cope?” That does not mean you are weak. It means you have been through a lot and your system is tired.
Maybe tomorrow does not have to be about proving you are fine. Maybe it can just be about taking one small step and gathering information. Go in for the restricted hours, keep it simple, take breaks before you feel desperate, and have a plan for what you will do if the anxiety spikes. Even something like, “I will check in with my manager after two hours” or “I will step outside and breathe for five minutes if I feel overwhelmed” can help make it feel less out of control.
I would also keep working closely with your GP, especially because of the headaches, blood pressure and aneurysm history. It is good that you are getting it sorted, but you do not have to carry the physical fear and the mental health side separately. They are connected for you right now.
And please do not write off counselling just because the crisis happened last year. Sometimes we survive the emergency first, then fall apart later when life expects us to go back to normal. You spent six months helping your sister through rehab and holding things together. That is a lot to process.
Try not to look at the whole return to work as one giant mountain. Just do the next right step. Get through tomorrow morning. Then review with your GP and workplace what worked and what was too much. You are allowed to build back slowly.
You have been through a mental health crisis, but that does not mean you are broken. It means something in you is finally saying, “I need care too.” Please listen to that.
You deserve support before it gets to breaking point.