Riding a wave

Floating with you @Phoenix_Rising 🙂 I have just had some lunch & had to wait half an hour before swimming, but I am here

@Catcakes thank you for being out on the ocean today.

@Former-Member That was very responsible of you to wait half an hour for your lunch to go down, before heading out on the ocean. Of course, I can eat perfectly fine out on the ocean because, well, I'm a sea turtle

While I was waiting, I distracted myself by responding to posts on the DBT thread. Good job me.

I saw TTT this morning. I am so so SO grateful for her. I'm not sure that I will ever stop being so super grateful that she is in my world. I feel so super safe when I'm with her.

I was in super gigantic crisis because of the whole being banned from calling the HC thing. What that actually looked like was a lot of self-harming in that way that is more common to ASD than to BPD, a lot of me rolling around on the floor and a lot of me making weird noises very loudly.

But TTT rode it all out with me, with her super calm voice. She doesn't just maintain a calm voice, but she actually gets quieter, the more chaotic I am. So today, by the time the big feelings settled, she was whispering the "in and out" super super super quietly.

We talked about how it's just her and me now and we are going to work through the enormous muddle together. We talked about how it is going to take a super long time, but that's ok. I feel so sad. My muddle has got so much more muddled in the past few months. I know TTT can help me unmuddle it, but realistically, it is going to take such a long time, the chances of me ever being in employment and off welfare are extremely remote. It feels so cruel that my muddle could get so much more muddled, when it was already super muddled.

TTT was impressed with the creations I made out of her squiggles. @Catcakes @Former-Member @CheerBear would you like me to show you some of TTT's squiggles and what I create out of them? I have nine left to do. I might show you...if you super promise not to laugh at my amazing lack of drawing ability. And no, I don't turn them upside down to reveal the picture - I struggle enough to draw up the right way! But then, as I said the other day, I'm pretty sure Mr Squiggle got easier squiggles than TTT does. Maybe I should post the squiggle and you guys can offer suggestions of what I can do with it?

Hey @Former-Member,

What floatie are you on today, out here on the ocean? I feel like I'm all by myself in Forum Land right now but I know you can't be far away.

This one!!! My new one 🙂

Hey there swimmers and floatation device users.

Traipsed on over to the ocean to have a relax in my fairly new

. @Phoenix_Rising I too am superly interested in TTT's squiggles and also what you do with them, if that is on the sharing menu, but I totally understand if you decide it's not okay too. Drawing is soo not something I'm good at, I sooo wish I was, but my imagination is much better than what comes out onto paper.

You know, Phoenix_Rising, maybe the goals society sets for people to be acceptable and stuff aren't the best goals to be comparing the life of a little turtle to.

My life changed so greatly that I will never be able to be employed again. It might be that the timing of the life changes is different for turtles and sunshowers.

That doesn't mean either of us (or anyone else in the same boat, or even in their own separate floatie) are lesser than those who can still work in paid employment. We are different, and that is acceptable. We show others that there are differences that need to be explored, and perhaps in the doing of that, there will be growth for everyone who comes into contact with us.

Your dedication to the DBT thread provides a wealth of assistance to those who read it, some respond and you get an idea of who your work has touched, and then there are those you won't even know that you touch with your wisdoms and insightfulness. In my mind it is a worthy thing you are doing, more, much more than some of those in paid employement to whom I think you might be comparing yourself, are able to do.

*sets down a couple of plates of hot, buttery, garlic bread fresh from the oven* shoos the seagulls ....

HAHA me too @Phoenix_Rising

Goodness Gracious @Phoenix_Rising how about that!

You are so much younger than me I think (from things you've said) I am surprised that someone so young has read Enid Blyton, although I admit I did read them to my darlings when they were young, so maybe not that surprising after all.

I did not get to name the farm dogs, they were working dogs and either came with a name, or father gave them their names as he was their trainer/ master. Our pets always had to go to a vote.

thank you for your good wishes, my day has actually been quite good. The DBT Books arrived earlier than expected and although the packaging was water damaged, the books are perfectily fine. whew.

Another parcel of fabric that had been sightseeing all around the country finally arrived from a different carrier along with some long awaited items for my flat mate.

And tada ... best of all, the new clothes dryer (bought at more than half price online) arrived and I'm so chuffed with it. Have not had a clothes dryer for 20 years. I gave the last one to the darlings when things went awry with threats to wellbeing and living arrangements had to change.

Almost put a load of washing on just so's I could use it. It will be needed here 'cos the drying outside area is teensy tiny so little sun, and winter is coming.

I think the people I bought it through might be used to dealing with people like me 'cos their word usage is soooo clear, so straighforward and up front. I loved their emails and the service people who delivered it too.

I hope your day is improving moment by moment Phoenix_Rising and that goes for all the ocean dwellers too.