Riding a wave

@Phoenix_Rising sorry I only just saw your last post once I had already posted 🙂

I can hear how you are trying your best to be brave right now and how hard that is. Hold on tight we're still here with you, I hope you can hear that and can create a space of safety.

Big big big alone feelings. I'm super trying to be brave, but how does anyone live knowing the objective reality is that no one can stand being around them - even via telephone. How does anyone live with that? TTT said I'm super good at the rupture and repair thing...but what use is that to me if no one else wants to work at it? Everybody just leaves.

🌿🐢 @Phoenix_Rising ..... TTT is your “green leaf in drought” .....

Are we some little green leaves for you too ? ...... 🍃

I hope so.

@Faith-and-Hope I guess...but I am a human being. Forum Land is amazing, but it can't replace talking talking. Only those who know what it is like to go for extended periods without talking talking can know what that is like. Being in my house feels pretty much like being locked in seclusion in the psych ward - gigantic feelings, desperate for social support, and absolutely nobody there. Just utterly alone with a mountain of grief and loss and utter despair.

@Shaz51 @Former-Member

@Former-Member you and @Former-Member and @Former-Member and everyone at the HC care just as much about me as everyone else, even though I'm the only one not allowed to call? Just different, not less? Because I'm a turtle? Sometimes when you are different you just need a different song. I am trying my super biggest best to be brave. Super giant hurting @Former-Member.

Hey PR, sorry that things aren't going well atm.

I thought I'd just leave something I found on the internet here..... it made me smile a bit. Hope it does for you too.

@Catcakes where have you been banned from (if you want to share)?

I've been thrown out of two churches, I've had four restraining orders taken out against me, I've had other people threaten legal action if I didn't stay away from them, I've had every friend walk out of my life, I've had numerous mental health professionals dump me, and now I've had the HC guys tell me I can't call because I distress them too much. How is a little turtle supposed to keep on keeping on when the message she receives over and over and over again is "go away, I/we can't cope with you." How does anyone live with that??? Big hurting.

Fred was right. He was right all along. I was safer with him then I will ever be again.

Big hurting @Former-Member @Former-Member!!!!!!!!!!!!

In her handover report, therapist-take-one wrote that the muddle of my aspieness leads not to perceived rejection, but actual ongoing rejection. She also says that due to her trauma history, rejection (or the feel of it or possibility of it) is the single most triggering thing for Phoenix_Rising's distress). I don't know how to keep living. How does anybody live with the objective reality that no one can stand being around them. How does ANYBODY LIVE WITH THAT?????????????