Riding a wave

Nighty night little turtle - Second day to Christmas is ready for tomorrow - see you then @Phoenix_Rising

Good morning @CheerBear,

Only 4 hours now!!! I think I'm trying to forget the fact that I'm seeing TTT, and instead just thinking about all the cool things in her room. Of course, to get into her room, I first have to navigate the peanut practice manager. I sent an email last week letting them know that this is going to be a BIG issue, so hopefully they are a bit prepared. My plan is to walk in, hand the paperwork to the practice manager and then go and sit down without saying a word. Hopefully this approach will be respected, given the email I sent.

I really do have a very good feeling about TTT. I so badly wish my turtle whisperer hadn't dumped me though. That is definitely making this process so much harder than it otherwise would have been.

My turtle whisperer's boss called me yesterday. It was a helpful but difficult conversation. The basic summary is that my turtle whisperer found she simply got overwhelmed and couldn't cope with...well...me. Yep, that's the same story I've heard a bazillion times before. Turtle whisperer's boss said she hoped this wouldn't impact on the process of connecting with TTT. Er...in what parallel universe could it NOT impact on it? How am I EVER supposed to trust TTT? No matter how much she assures me that she has lots of experience working with people with very big muddles, how can I ever possibly learn to trust again???

I will never understand how it is that helping people can be so completely out of touch with the muddles of muddled people.

Anyway, I know you will be super thinking of me between 12pm - 1pm. I know you will be here - even if you aren't.

Hey @Zoe7, you know how we seem to now have a Christmas tree that is getting loaded up with decorations or presents or something? Are you putting that all together or would you like me to do it? I'm feeling mildly overloaded. If someone else can keep track of the images (i.e. save them to their public image file), I can put them together. However, I'm struggling to keep up with the fast-moving Christmas thread.

I have time - lots of time lol - on my side so happy to collate them all for us little turtle. All you need to do is look forward to Zoeclaus delivering everything for christmas day @Phoenix_Rising

@Zoe7 I have LOTS of time too...but I work at turtle pace so methinks you get more done in your lots of time than I get done in my lots of time.

Already started @Phoenix_Rising. I figure if I collate presents at the end of each day then it will be more manageable - so doing that last few days now Anything that will help you at the moment I am happy to do little turtle

@CheerBear CheerBear, CheerBear, CheerBear, I've found her, I've found her, I've found her!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TTT is absolutely definitely the one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It was AMAZING, CheerBear. Even when it went giantly bad it was still ok....and it went giantly bad in the first minute!!!!

I managed to not talk to the peanut practice manager at all. She was serving someone else when I got there so I just sat in a chair rocking and TTT came out while the peanut was still dealing with the other person.

We went into TTT's office, sat down, and then it all went arse up. Apparently, TTT had told my GP that they wanted the practice owner (who is also TTT's supervisor) to sit in on the session. However, for whatever reason, my GP hadn't mentioned this to me. Therefore, you probably don't have to think too hard to imagine my response when TTT brought this up. But on the bright side, she used her calm voice when she told me to stop SHing (I really prefer using the actual word for this form of SH, but anyway...) and then she went and told the practice owner not to join us today. So...even though it super sucked that it went arse up, it all settled super quickly.

I spent most of the session snuggled under the blanket on the couch, with turtle and TTT's teddy bear and weighted toy. I played with a super cool fidget toy for most of the session too. She has HEAPS of super cool toys. I managed to break a squishy toy. I squished it to0 hard and it's squishiness came out - oopsy. But TTT didn't get angry at all!

The whole session was AMAZING, CheerBear. It felt super super super safe.

I also super liked the fact that TTT is super honest and doesn't say fluffy stuff. For example, we went through the obligatory conversation about how if she thought I was going to suicide, she would have to act on that. She said it was because she didn't want to have to explain to a coroner why she didn't act. I said "I know, it's all about the legal crap and not that anyone actually cares" and she said "yep." That worked SO much better for me than the stupid let's-pretend-like-we-care thing. I told her that I understood, and that it was because she would be compelled to act, that I would not be telling her if I make the decision to suicide. And thus endeth the obligatory conversation.

When I asked TTT how long it was going to take to fix my brain, she said, "ages." That made me feel sad...but it was still better than empty stupid promises.

I'm so superly duperly happy, CheerBear. I've found her! I've really and truly FOUND her. I know the happy feeling probably won't last long and I know my world hasn't suddenly all got better, but for right now I'm enjoying the fact that finally FINALLY I have someone who I feel safe with.

I so superly badly wish I could clone TTT and send a copy to you and to @Former-Member. I so VERY badly wish I could!

I super hope you don't melt in your blanket this afternoon, CheerBear. I've been trying to think of a name for your unicorn, but I haven't come up with anything yet. Have you had any ideas?

Hey @Former-Member @Former-Member @NikNik @Former-Member @Former-Member @Zoe7 @Faith-and-Hope I found her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

@Phoenix_Rising, I am so super glad TTT really is as awesome as she sounded. I have big happy tears right now (mixed in with lots of my own sad ones). I really needed some good in my day so thank you so much for sharing. You truly deserve the most super awesome ultra-helpful helping person to help you with brain-fixing and I’m so so glad you’ve found her. I am so super happy for you.

@CheerBear, I’m sorry you’re having a wonky day.