Riding a wave

Woohoo I WordPad-ed it AND even managed to add a quote into my post 😄 (and hit save which I had forgotten about!)

Off to sea some fishies now. This phrase is going to be even better when I am off to sea my fish at school haha!

Catch you later @Phoenix_Rising 🙂

Hi little turtle It seems that we were playing tag across a couple of threads last night but didn't actually 'catch' each other lol @Phoenix_Rising

I did 'go to bed' - didn't just fall asleep on couch island. Slept for nearly 7 hours then fed my babies and went back to sleep on couch island for nearly another 4 hours. It seems that I may have had my night meds twice last night (as didn't have them the night before because of hospital) - that is what happens when I am so exhausted I don't know what I am really doing. No wonder I finally slept so much!!!

I read you post about the weekend and although I agree with you partly I did want to add something that may or may not help you....

I totally get your feelings around not thinking that people in general (those irl and those who don't 'know' you) may find you style of communication disrespectful andor offensive! But here is what I also think- if that had not been meyou were writing to -for example if it had been a completely new member - then you would not have written the same thing. You wrote what you did to ME because you both new I would get it AND I would not be at all offended - and the important part to remember is that the person you were actually posting to is the primary person you are actually thinking about. Yes others may read such a post and find it disrespectful/offensive but they are not the ones that truly 'matter' in this scenario because they are not the ones you are supporting - I hope that is as clear as mud @Phoenix_Rising and helps you resolve it a little in your mind today. Not everyone we meet in our lives will actually 'get' any of us - but to find even a few people that actually do is priceless

Hi @CheerBear I have read your post on the DBT thread. I super like what you had to say and I'll respond later when I'm "really" in Forum Land...as opposed to now when I'm not really here.

@Zoe7 I super like what you said. I talked the muddle through with the super wonderful @Former-Member this morning and I feel much better about it now. I was able to explain to her the rationale of my post and she didn't seem to think it was disrespectful or offensive. You are totally correct Zoe7, I knew full well who I was posting to. I told the moderator that. I told her that you know me extremely well and that you know I say what I mean and I mean what I say. And yet still she shut me down. It felt super patronizing and disempowering. Oh well, yay for @Former-Member for helping with the muddle.

Anyway, the real reason I am here when really I'm not is because I am just back from seeing my GP. The prospective therapist-take-thirteen hasn't responded to her email yet. I feel so super despairing. I am sitting in limbo. I JUST WANT TO START FIXING MY BRAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I super super super appreciate the support I'm getting from my turtle whisperer, but I want more than support - I WANT TO GET BETTER!!!! I want to FIX the muddle. I feel FRUSTRATED!!!!

The plan now is that as soon as my GP hears from prospective therapist-take-thirteen, she will email my turtle whisperer. I told her about (A) forgetting that she had banned me from her office. It's definitely one of those stories that is soooooooo not funny...and yet is funny. It was the first thing I told my GP and she must have been trying to process it for the rest of the time I was there because as we were walking out to the reception area together half an hour later she suddenly said "don't psychologists keep notes?"

Anyway, that is where the muddle is at. All I want in the whole world is to find a super safe turtle whisperer who can commit to working with me long term so that we can move beyond the supporting bit and get to the actual fixing bit.

@Former-Member @Former-Member @Former-Member

I am pleased you were able to talk to the super wonderful @Former-Member little turtle It is hard when someone who 'doesn't know you' is also not getting where you are coming from - and yes it can feel patronising and disempowering. I have had to try to 'accept' some things 'behind the scenes' and move past them for similar reasons - it just wasn't worth the effort from me despite how I was feeling - and that can be triggering in itself. I try to tell myself that 'they' are doing the job they are supposed to be doing and it is important also for 'them' to follow the guidelines without 'blurring the lines slightly' in order to keep everyone safe. I think we (as in more longer term members) here are fortunate to have formed connections that do not often need words, do not have to 'explain' ourselves, and have in some instances built our own unique way of communicating with each other - that to the 'outside world' could be very confusing and may see at times to not show the level of respect that is expected from the community guidelines. And @Phoenix_Rising - speaking turtle is a skill and only the really special, important people can do that LOL

Popping in to say hi 🙂

@Phoenix_Rising @Zoe7 and anyone else around..... hello!

Thanks for the update @Phoenix_Rising - sounds like you're getting to practise your waiting skills a little more 😉

Hi back @Former-Member - always heartwarming to 'see' you are here

So frustrating with the limbo thing @Phoenix_Rising.

I wish I could give you a turtle whispering, therapist take 13 to help fix this muddle, right now. But I can't. What I can give you is a jar of nutella that is as big as you are, so you can eat it while you wait though 😄

(I saw this this morning and had to pick it up purely for the photo opportunity it presented haha 😉 ).

Also, no need to reply to my posts on the DBT thread soon/ever. I don't expect a reply and am aware of how much brain power it can take to be over there 🙂 It felt good just to write it out!

Hope your afternoon has been/ is ok 🙂

Awwwwww @Former-Member, I don't want to practice my waiting skills. I am already super, mildly, vaguely good at waiting. I've been waiting for twenty years. I super want to get to the fixing bit!

At least thanks to @CheerBear I now have a jar of nutella that is as big as me. Do you think I should share it with @NikNik, since she shared her nutella with me on Tuesday? Maybe NikNik and I could play that weird social game where one person offers something, the other person politely declines, the first person says "are you sure" and the other person insists they are sure even though secretly they want some. I often play that game at lunchtime at my volunteer gig when there is chocolate cake. Except in my version it goes like this:

Me: Does anybody want that last piece of cake?

Someone else: No Phoenix_Rising, you can have it.

Me: Ok. {Pick up piece of cake and start eating it while everyone laughs and I say something along the lines of "what? I offered."}.

Awwwww it's Forum Land curfew time for this little turtle. Maybe if I hadn't procrastinated so much during the day I would have got things done quicker and then had more time to play in Forum Land. Oh well, there is always tomorrow.

@Former-Member who is watching over the ocean tonight? Thank you for being there. It helps me to feel super safe knowing you are there.

Good night Forum Land.