Riding a wave

Sitting with you @Phoenix_Rising ..... 💕

Hello @Phoenix_Rising

I am floating around this afternoon 🙂 riding this wave alongside you, ofcourse not too close, maybe we could swim to the cave and hang out there for a little bit?

I can bring some things to the cave if you feel like it needs something else to make it more comfy and safe?

What about a relaxing turtle lamp? Just incase it is too dark

@Phoenix_Rising I'm sorry its a tough day. Keep riding the wave, it will get calmer eventually.

@Former-Member @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope super big thank you for being there. It's super escalating. It's not fair. I was FINE before (A) called this morning. I was FINE. I can DO THIS. I feel like I've been set up to fail. I can DO THIS. I just need A LITTLE BIT OF SUPPORT.

I am rocking and stimming and drenched in sweat. I was FINE this morning. I was totally fine. It was just going to be a peaceful melancholic day of grieving and remembering. It was all going to be fine. How can a damn psychologist cause so much harm!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sitting with you @Phoenix_Rising

It would be deeply ironic if I suicided today on this the 20th anniversary of my first attempt wouldn't it. It's just a wave. It's a really really really big wave, but it's just a wave. It will pass. I was FINE before 8am this morning and if I can just stay alive I will be fine again sometime soon. I will see my turtle whisperer tomorrow and that will probably help, even though seeing her also triggers the utter despair around the fact that even as I start with her, we are already searching for therapist-take-thirteen.

I feel utterly hopeless right now, but it will pass. I want to die right now, but it will pass. I feel utterly utterly alone in my muddle.

So while I was out today little turtle I was thinking about you alot then by chance (or design - don't know which one really) I saw you sitting on a shelf in the shop - had to buy you to put in my garden @Phoenix_Rising ...you have changed a little but still very cute lol

@Zoe7 I am having the darkest day I have had in a really long time...and yet that picture of me made me ROFL. I think that's the exact expression I probably had on my face the moment (A) told me she had forgotten that she had banned me from her office!!!!!

I am glad I gave you a brief moment of joy today @Phoenix_Rising. I am going to call my new little turtle Phoenix (surprise, suprise lol). I hope you night improves even a little little turtle. I will be thinking of you even if I am not here