Riding a wave

Giggle. Yes I saw the double post @Zoe7 - clearly the act of a wise person. I agree that Lunar's statement about why the moon doesn't wear underpants was possibly the most random thing that has ever been said by anyone in Forum Land ever. I am definitely going to remember that for the rest of my life. No matter how many times it pops into my brain, it still makes me giggle every single time.

Hey @Former-Member, Are you around for a tiny turtle hug? I have a bazillion things I wanted to do today and my brain won't co-operate. I'm ruminating about how messed up the entire mental health system is. The constant message is that people should reach out for support, but so often the support isn't there - particularly for those of us with the label of BPD. Where do people go if they have presented at hospital asking for help and been turned away??? I feel angry and frustrated that help isn't more forth-coming...and then people get criticised for trying to seek help in unhelpful ways. I want to change the world...preferably today!

I'm also struggling with giant fear-of-abandonment feelings. I am so relieved to have found therapist-take-twelve (hereafter known as M)...and now so utterly terrified of losing her again. I feel super anxious about it.

Could I maybe please have a tiny turtle hug?

@Phoenix_Rising You had such great news yesterday little turtle - very positive all around. Today your negative feelings and thoughts are there because you are reverting back to what has been 'the norm' in the past. Try to remember the amazing feelings you had yesterday when you 'clicked' with someone new and hold on to those.

I thought I'd annoy you a little this morning to take your mind off the negatives...

@Zoe7 That picture super makes me giggle. I could watch it for ages!!!

I know that the fear-of-abandonment feeling goes hand-in-hand with the finding-a-safe-person feeling. And given the nature of my muddle, I know it is not an irrational fear by any means. The reality is that if M was to get squished by a bus, I would be thrown back into a whole world of chaos. So...I know it isn't irrational, but I also know it isn't useful because worrying about her going away isn't going to in any way change the probability of her going away. I know it is just a feeling. It isn't good or bad, it simply is. It just super bugs me how much my big feelings (both positive and negative ones) affect my concentration etc.

I hope you are having an ok day. It is super sunny here in Sydney.

I thought you would like to see that image again @Phoenix_Rising

Yes your fears are very real and and so are your concerns. I suppose all we can do here in forumland is let you know that WE are still here (in whatever capacity) and still with you and hopefully that goes a little way to letting you know that as a community we have not - and will not - abandon you no matter what happens in the 'real' world. Snuggle up with turtle pillow and your blanket for a little while if you need - you can head into TOR into your corner if you like - and I will sit with you for a little while.

It is still raining in Hobart today and I have to head out in just over an hour to my gp appointment - so I have a little time before that.

Hello @Phoenix_Rising

Here you go, I am so gld you found therapist-take-twelve aka M, and that first session yesterday, but I can see how your abandonment issues are coming up with letting someone new in your life, that is difficult and you are very brave for pushing yourself to do, so proud of you and sending you a lil turtle hug lil turtle 🙂

I are here for you @Phoenix_Rising

Super big thank you @Former-Member. I super like your tiny turtle hugs.

@Zoe7 I am super going to try and jump off the forums for the rest of the day now. I'm trying to work on my Forum Land addiction a bit...you can see that's going well.

I am lying on the floor of my loungeroom with my toy turtle. My loungeroom is a sun trap in the mornings and it is super nice lying here, although the sun is moving around now and there is only a small patch of sunny carpet left for the day.

I hope your appointment with your GP goes well this afternoon.

Enjoy the warmth little turtle. If you feel you need to jump back on - even if it is super quickly just to know we are still here for you - then do that @Phoenix_Rising. Sometimes it is good to me among not-friends and people that care about you - even if thast means 'feeding' your forumland addiction for a little while

I will check in later today to see how you are going - and I will presume that if you haven't been back on that you are doing ok. I will update you later myself after my appointment (may get the results of my last lot of tests today!)

Catch ya later little turtle