Hi Charli,
I am really sorry you are sitting in that much shame right now. What happened was serious, and you are already owning that. But there is a big difference between saying, “I made a dangerous and stupid decision,” and saying, “I am a terrible person.”
The first one can help you change. The second one just crushes you and keeps you frozen.
I think this is one of those moments where you need to separate responsibility from self punishment. Responsibility means facing the consequences, learning from it, and putting a real plan in place so it never happens again. Self hatred just keeps replaying the mistake until you feel like there is no way forward.
Maybe the plan is simple and very clear. No driving at all after drinking, even if it is only a couple. Have a lift organised before you go out. Get a taxi or rideshare. Leave the car at home. Tell one trusted person what happened, not so they can shame you, but so you are not sitting alone with it.
You are not back at the beginning. You are in a hard moment. The work you have done on yourself has not disappeared because you made one bad call. Growth does not mean never stuffing up again. It means you recover differently. You tell the truth faster. You take action sooner. You stop hiding from the people who can help you.
The avoidance makes sense, because shame wants you to disappear. But this is probably the time to do the opposite in a small, safe way. Message one person and say, “I made a mistake today and I am really struggling with shame. I do not need a lecture, I just need someone to know I am not okay.”
Please also be gentle with the part of you that is spiralling. You can regret what happened without hating the whole of who you are. Let this be a wake up call, not a life sentence.
You made a mistake. Now make the next right choice,
