My Experience with Loneliness, Relationships, and Identity

Hi @Tasmania5454, thank you for sharing something so thoughtful and personal.

It sounds like these are questions you've been reflecting on for quite some time. From what you've written, I can hear a longing not just for relationships, but for a deeper sense of emotional connection, understanding, and belonging. That can feel particularly painful when you've had significant relationships, a marriage, and children, yet still feel something important has been missing.

Loneliness can affect people very differently, and sometimes it isn't simply about whether we have people around us. For some, it can be connected to feeling misunderstood, disconnected from others, disconnected from parts of themselves, or longing for a level of intimacy and emotional closeness that feels difficult to reach.

I also noticed you mentioned your past experiences with hormone therapy and the questions that left you with about yourself. It sounds like you've been exploring and trying to understand different aspects of your identity and experiences over many years. Those kinds of questions can be complex and deeply personal, and there may not always be simple answers.

I'm wondering what "a deep emotional connection" means to you personally? When you imagine that kind of connection, what do you feel has been missing from your past relationships?

I'm glad you've brought these reflections here. They sound important, and it may be helpful to continue exploring them with others in the community who may have had similar experiences

For me, a deep emotional connection is built on trust, safety, and mutual understanding that develops over time. It’s not something that should be rushed or forced — it grows naturally when two people feel comfortable being themselves, without pressure or expectation.

I’ve realised I’ve often rushed into connections with people who were available or interested, and it hasn’t really led to something stable or meaningful. At other times I’ve stayed in situations longer than I should have, which hasn’t been healthy either.

Most of my experiences have come through dating apps, where things can move quickly and feel intense early on, but don’t always develop the slower, more grounded foundation that comes from getting to know someone gradually in person.

What I’m looking for now is something more genuine and steady — where connection builds naturally, trust is earned over time, and both people feel emotionally safe and understood.

@Tasmania5454 It sounds like you’ve spent a lot of time reflecting on your past experiences and what hasn’t felt quite right for you in relationships.

The way you describe a deep emotional connection, built on trust, safety, mutual understanding, and being able to show up as yourself without pressure, really highlights that you have a clear sense of what matters to you. It also sounds like you’ve noticed some important patterns, like moving quickly into connections at times, or staying in situations longer than felt healthy, and you’re trying to make sense of what you want moving forward.

Dating apps in particular can often create that fast-paced, intense early connection you mentioned, which doesn’t always allow space for the slower development of trust and stability you’re looking for. It makes sense that you’re now wanting something more steady and grounded.

What do you think helps you feel most emotionally safe when you’re getting to know someone new?

I’m really glad you shared this here, it sounds like an important part of your journey

"What do you think helps you feel most emotionally safe when you’re getting to know someone new?"

I do not actually know myself - I guess it is something that either develops or does not.

Maybe the truth is that it is not "when I am getting to know" but "after I have gotten to know" - but I honestly cannot answer.

I don't know why you feel loneliness so strongly.

I am codependent with my mum who lacks boundaries and so as I live with her I don't feel lonely as long as she's around.

It sounds like you feel far away from parents and siblings.

I listen to YouTube prayer room. That's 24 hours a day.

Other people listen to radio national .

Sorry you feel so alone. I hope you might talk to a psychiatrist or try psychotherapy maybe to work it out.

everyone,

@Tasmania5454 Your realization that emotional safety might only be recognizable after you’ve truly gotten to know someone, rather than while navigating the early stages, is interesting —

It also makes so much sense that rushing into connections or staying too long in unhealthy ones would leave you feeling lonely, as true intimacy requires a steady, grounded foundation where you feel safe enough to share your whole self—including the deeply personal questions you still hold about your identity.

i hope i make sense

@Lozenge It is really kind of you to share what helps you cope with closeness and finding comfort, and encouraging professional support is a very thoughtful suggestion.

Good morning @Tasmania5454,

That's a really thoughtful reflection.

I wonder if there’s something important in what you’ve noticed about the difference between getting to know someone and having gotten to know someone. It sounds like emotional safety may be something that develops gradually for you, rather than something you can easily identify in the early stages of a relationship.

It’s also okay not to have a clear answer right now. Sometimes we only start to understand what helps us feel safe and connected by looking back on our experiences and noticing what felt different in the relationships where we were able to be more ourselves.

How are you feeling today?

Good morning Nala, thank you for your reply.

Good start to morning as regard having relaxing music to wake up.

How are you?