nomoresilance99Contributor
I've felt silenced my whole life.
Hello,
I'm new here and I am in my late 30s and I've struggled with mental health my whole life. I am a suicide survivor and I still struggle with this daily this is what has affected me the most. The thing is I need to reach out because I don't know how to go about moving on with my life without some guidance. I've been silenced and mostly by others that should have loved me and cared for me instead it was an unspoken subject.
TW: Suicide
My attempt of my life in my teens was then a time where nothing felt like it fit. Instead everyone around me were out using taunts and encouraging each other of being the bullies of my life. That simply was how my life went throughout my childhood and into my early teens I had issues so I was bullied. That's ok I can get over that but I find myself lately really really pushing limits when it comes to suicide. I never wanted to go there again because I remember that time I remember that time of people basically encouraging me. Encouraging me to end my life. I know it was me that walked into that room without that even do it. It was instead the words travelling down the hallway into that bathroom I could hear how bad I was right that second. So it happened very quickly so basically I remember that moment and I told myself I would never go back there. Unfortunately lately I've had to reach out to mental health services because I'm finding it very hard not to go over that line. Instead they look at me with a blank look wondering why I was there I then still have to justify why I was seeking help. Sometimes the complete lack of even noticing that really what was on my mind was suicide they turned it blind eye. What I need to do in my life is to move on and I know this but I don't seem to be able to do it without having my conscience cleared of things that don't seem right to me. Also it hasn't seemed right to me throughout my whole life. Why was it that nobody ever mentioned what happened to me why was it something that we never discussed nor approached instead I'm made to think that I didn't matter at all even at that point where I was dead for that second. I can't but wonder if anybody cared or felt how I was feeling. I also was let down by the public health system by not having any follow-up after this event nor having any regard for my future or my journey ahead of facing things alone even when nearly already had been through enough being in a coma means that you in some way left this Earth why was it that even one of the biggest hospitals in Victoria chose to put me on a train and send me to an a house that wasn't even my home anymore it was like I was just on my own yes the thing is because I was award of the state it seemed that it was easy to not care about me is that maybe what it is there's nobody to fight for me so they just up and out you
I don't know I would love some advice on how people see things by me just talking about my feelings a little I just feel like I will never have any happiness and that happiness has been ripped away by people that should have done better how am I able to have some justice if that's what it is what do you think also thank you for having me here as I'm new and I'm trying something just to try and Be able to move forward this is been a great help having somewhere to post thank you.
