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Still effing here!

AtalantaSenior Contributor20 Mar 2017, 4:57 pm AEDT

Still effing here!

I'm not happy about it. It's 4pm and I'm still here. I didn't win pools. However, I do have one of the cleanest houses on the street. Had to do something to keep busy.

I'M NOT HAPPY ABOUT THIS!!! I'm living and everyone is or would be happy about it if they knew how close I came to ending it, but nothing has changed for me. I'm still in the hell hole I was in before. I'm sick of living for others...sick of being me. Sick of being a fulltime carer, sick of taking all the responsibility but none of the rights and doing it all with no help or money. Sick of the poverty and the politicians.

Damn!!! Going to do some more housework. I can't stop cause I start thinking and then I want to hurt myself.

Did I mention how p'd off I am that I am still here! 😠😠😠

6 replies

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In response to: Still effing here!

KurraSenior Contributor20 Mar 2017, 9:21 pm AEDT

Re: Still effing here!

I used to feel that way @Atalanta. 26 years from diagnosis, longer if you count all the years prior to diagnosis. ...and here I am at the other end of the equation - totally stable living a wonderfully 'normal' life.

I would never have believed that I would recover to this degree because it was blatantly obvious that I had no future! Guess I was wrong. .... 🎶

In response to: Still effing here!

Unknown userMember20 Mar 2017, 9:36 pm AEDT

Re: Still effing here!

@Atalanta - i can hear your frustration and anger and as you read in the other post, i have felt that before too. I wanted to scream and break things and felt like I would explode because of how intense it was. I also just wanted to shut down and stop it all. It's tough going and today was likely going to be really hard for you. Housework is an amazing way to be burning off that energy and I think it's really impressive that you've chosen to spend your time this way today. I also wanted you to know that you're being heard and thought of. Take care tonight.

In response to: Still effing here!

Unknown userMember21 Mar 2017, 4:21 am AEDT

Re: Still effing here!

@Kurra, @Former-Member - so brave!
@Atalanta, you need a break, some respite, urgently. Someone on the 'carers' side of the forums might have dome good tips for you. Feeling 'trapped' is awful. Try at least to take an hour or two time to yourself twice a day if possible, or little 'me' breaks throughout. Sorry you're going through this. xox

In response to: Still effing here!

AtalantaSenior Contributor21 Mar 2017, 7:02 pm AEDT

Re: Still effing here!

Really happy for you. I wish the same for all of us. 🍸 Here's to you.

In response to: Still effing here!

AtalantaSenior Contributor21 Mar 2017, 7:04 pm AEDT

Re: Still effing here!

Dang, forgot to add the @Kurra above. Don't know how to edit.

Really happy for you. I wish the same for all of us. 🍸 Here's to you.

In response to: Still effing here!

AtalantaSenior Contributor21 Mar 2017, 7:06 pm AEDT

Re: Still effing here!

@Former-Member Yeah, I know. I'm going to contact a few agencies for help.

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SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.

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