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Something’s not right

Giving money to someone

LozengeSenior Contributor

Giving money to someone

I've been stuck in a problem BPD behaviour. I have a favourite person and that person is not suited to me except that they have extreme spending issues and health problems like me.

I'm wondering if in Sydney there are any bpd support groups.

I have a problematic situation where I give money from my personal savings to pay for his cigarettes and other expenses.

It's an embarrassing admission and problematic situation. I feel much more relieved when I give large amounts e.g. $300-$400

I don't know how to set boundaries as they are my favourite person and I get into anxiety thinking they will leave me and abandon me.

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In response to: Giving money to someone

tymeModerator

Re: Giving money to someone

ergh.... that's such a hard one! I can relate! I've given away heaps and heaps of money over the years. I think at one point it was $53k while I was going through my BPD phase of wanting to 'help' everyone. @Lozenge

I think it's okay to do it as long as it doesn't become an 'issue'.. otherwise, it might look like 'friends with benefits'. It's not easy, especially when one doesn't want that rejection. At the same time, I read that it is hurting you. I think it's situations like this than can later turn into domestic violence. I'm not saying your case it, but in the long run, I've seen it happen.

For me, BPD recovery was about having healthy boundaries.

What boundaries can you set to that if you do give them money, you get it back? Or you limit how much you give? Can you lock away most of your money into an account that is less accessible?

I don't have an answer, but I hope you find what works for you.

I can see you have a large and caring heart and that's why you give money away.

As for BPD support groups, it may be worthwhile going to Australian BPD Foundation and check out the newsletter or the 'supports in your area' on the map. https://www.bpdfoundation.org.au/

All the best!

In response to: Re: Giving money to someone

tymeModerator

Re: Giving money to someone

How are you today @Lozenge ?

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