Help with adult son's mental health

Hey @SallyBowles

I am so deeply sorry that you are going through this. Reading your post, it is clear how much you have endured, not just recently with your son, but throughout your life with your siblings. Carrying the weight of complex mental health conditions in a family is exhausting, and it is completely understandable that you feel worn out and lonely 💚

At your age, you deserve peace, yet you are being pulled back into a difficult and confronting situation. Please know that your feelings of exhaustion are a natural response to all of this pressure.

When a loved one is being "combative," delusional, and experiencing suicidal ideation, especially while using substances and off medication, the situation can become unpredictable quickly.

For your daughter-in-law, it is really brave of her to reach out. Her safety and mental health are paramount. If she feels she needs to leave for her own well-being, that is a necessary self-preservation step. As for yourself, you're allowed to set boundaries. You can love your son while acknowledging that his current behaviour is "confronting" and that you do not have the resources to "fix" the situation on your own.

Since your son is expressing suicidal ideation and is in a delusional state, this may be beyond what a family can manage at home, so I really recommend the following:

• If there is an immediate risk of harm to himself or others, please contact emergency services or a mental health crisis team.
• Please look into support groups for families of those with complex mental health conditions (Carer Gateway, Arafmi, or even here, as you already have). Speaking with people who understand the specific loneliness of having a family history of schizophrenia and bipolar disorder can be life-changing

You have spent so much of your life caring for or worrying about others. It is okay to be "done." It is okay to admit you are tired. You cannot pour from an empty cup, and you are not failing your son by recognising that this situation is currently beyond your control.

Please keep reaching out here. We are listening, and we care about you! 💚

Good morning @SallyBowles

It's so good that you have shown up here seeking support and connection. The forums community are a lovely bunch of people; I'm sure others will jump in to offer support and suggestions.

I'm sorry to hear about the current situation with your son and family. It's incredibly challenging trying to work out how to support a loved one if they are not willing to make steps towards getting support for themselves. Unfortunately, sometimes all we can do is be there for them and continue to encourage them to seek support like seeing a GP, psychologist, psychiatrist etc.

It might be a good idea for your daughter in law to have a chat with her GP as well and get linked in with some community support.

There are some factsheets and guides here that might be useful:

Factsheets & Guides

Is someone you know unwell?

Families, friends & carers

If things with your son are getting to the stage where he is a danger to himself or anyone else, you (or his wife) may need to give your states mental health line a call or 000. I understand this is probably the last thing anyone wants to do but it is really important that everyone is safe and getting the help and support they require.

• ACT: 1800 629 354 FREE — Mental
Health Triage Service
• NSW: 1800 011 511 FREE — Mental Health
Line
• NT: 1800 682 288 — Northern Territory
Mental Health Line
• QLD: 1300 MH CALL (1300 64 22 55)
FREE — 24-hour specialist mental
healthcare
• SA: 13 14 65 FREE — Mental Health Triage
Service
• TAS: 1800 332 388 FREE — Mental
Health Service Helpline
• VIC: go here for mental health services
in your area, or call NURSE-ON-CALL on
1300 60 60 24
• WA: 1800 676 822 FREE — Mental
Health Emergency Response Line

1800RESPECT is another service that might be worth giving a call (or pass the number on to his wife) : Call 1800 737 732 Text 0458 737 732

Chat – Visit https://www.1800respect.org.au/

SANE has a program that you are all welcome to register for, the RecoveryClub is a free, 6-month digital program that offers evidence-based recovery resources, 1:1 support, online groups, and peer support connections to help you build confidence and develop practical skills for your wellbeing and recovery.

You can find more information and register here: Welcome to SANE’s Recovery Club

I hope some of this information is helpful and that you all get linked in with some support as soon as possible.

sending you all my best 💌

That sounds so rough @SallyBowles .

Have you spoken to your son? Does he want change or does he want help?

I hope your daughter in law finds a way to protect herself and whatever she needs to stay well.

Hearing you @SallyBowles

We are sitting with you.

he doesn't see a problem with himself it's everyone else. He's blaming his wife for everything. I spoke to him for 3 hours yesterday. He was talking at me in a fast racy tone not listening and when I interjected and said I was worried about his mental health he shot me down in flames and got angry so I just listened. His wife is leaving. They just bought a house he has no job. I don't know what to do

No he is erratic. Thinks it's everyone else and is berating his wife. I was on the phone for over 3 hours with him he is delusional but I just listened. 8 have contacted his father my ex husband to assist me and his wife to keep her safe.

Hi @SallyBowles ,

That sounds really distressing, especially when he's not open to hearing your concerns.

Please know that you've already done a lot by listening and involving his father. If things continue to feel intense or unpredictable, it might help to seek guidance using the supports suggested yesterday, or seek some guidance for yourself - Parentline - See state-based numbers here is available to talk through situations like this, adult children included. If at any point you're concerned about immediate safety, calling Lifeline (13 11 14), or 000 is always an option too.

Please remember to look after yourself - it's a lot to carry but you aren't alone and the community is here for you, including many fellow parents and carers who truly understand💙

~ @Honeymoon

thank you. I am extremely tired today my cup is empty. I'm hoping somehow it will be resolved but I'm not holding out much hope sadly.

It makes sense that you're exhausted and your cup feels empty after everything you've been holding @SallyBowles

You don't ever have to carry this alone - as you know, there are people you can call to speak with, and the community is here too.

I hope you are able to take some time to look after yourself today. Thinking of you💙

~ @Honeymoon

Thank you.

I'm bed rotting today. I just feel paralyzed with fear. Can you direct me to communities where I can chat here?

We have a special space for carers. There you can share experiences, seek advice and surround yourself with support. Friends, families and carers - SANE Forums

There is also a Social Space. To Connect People & Share Experiences Of Mental Health Connect and socialise with other community members. A space for non-mental health conversations.

There are others here who understand, you aren't alone.

~ @Honeymoon