An oldie needs help🙃

Hey @Grannie54

Welcome to the forums! It is so lovely to have you here 💚

Taking that first step to post can definitely feel a bit daunting, especially when a platform feels unfamiliar, but you've already done a great job. Please don't worry too much about "getting it right" or being perfectly understood. This is a very patient and welcoming space, and we are all just here to support one another.

I wanted to share some tips that might help you while navigating this site:

• Take your time: there is no rush to learn all the ins and outs straight away. Feel free to explore different discussion sections at your own pace.
• Community Guidelines: It's a very good idea to have a read through the community guidelines here so that this remains a safe and positive place for everyone.
• Replying: if you want to chat with someone in a specific thread, hit the "reply" button at the bottom of their post/comment. Also, don't forget to tag the person with "@" so they get notified of your response.
• Search: if there is a specific topic on your mind, you can use the search function to see what others have shared about it previously.

We really value having new voices and perspectives here. Whenever you feel comfortable, feel free to share a bit more about what's on your mind or what brought you here to the community 💚

@Grannie54 hi there, you will get used to it. Welcome!

To 'tag' the person you are replying to if you type the @symbol andcthe first few letters of a user's name a list will drop down and you can choose the user name from that list. That enlivens it so it should look blue in the reply. Tgis means the person will get a notification that someone has @ tagged them and be able to navigate back to the post.

Moongal 🌙

We're here to help @Grannie54 !

I'm drawn to you already! I don't mind hanging around 'oldie's' and 'grannies' who may need some help.

What's happening for you?

Thanks for. reply.

My life since birth has been from many angles and types of abuse. The first words spoken over me was "it's ugly, looked like a skinned rabbit" this was repeatedly told to me as I grew up. My uncle sexually assaulted me which didn't stop until I was 35. I always tried to explain to my parents what was happening but they NEVER believed me.

It left me very wary of people especially those in a place of authority.

It made me paranoid to be around adults. I was hypervigilant always on the look out.

The effect on me was a continuous self hate, wrong understanding of my body and emotionally stunted.

I was very grateful to study psychology at University for three years. Usually it's not approved to self-diagnose. But a window was opened where I made sense of my psychosocial being.

I had numerous times of severe depression, suicidal ideation and attempts. I first attempted suicide at the age of 18 - 24 months old. I still can see the event clearly. I was rescued by a passerby who caught me sitting on the 2nd story window. She entered the house, couldn't find anyone near and proceeded to grab me.

Well the photos I do have all show me as a depressed kid. There are no smiles in any photos of me growing up. I was a very serious kid.

My life though had many good memories as well. I had a dear friend who passed away two years ago. My second husband was such a sweet guy who we all loved dearly. But I lost him in 2021 he had been in palliative care at home.

Since he passed away a number of awful accusations were made, the police called who researched my mental health because "I had a dead body in the house". This was done by my eldest daughter and husband. However, I had already arranged his pickup as Covid was raging in the community meant I couldn't have him seen by anyone if he had passed away in a hospice or hospital. The police phoned the coroner and I showed them the arrangement for Bare Funerals to pick up hubby. There was no wrong doing found!

Such a lot of stuff happened and if I hadn't become a born again Christian aged 21 then I believe things would have been much worse.

But I am glad to be alive, have some great friends from church who love and care for me. Life is still busy.

I think that's enough for now.

Thanks for listening to me rattle on.

Marleen

Hey @Grannie54, thank you for sharing your experiences with the community!

It sounds like you have been through a lot and you are domonstrating your resilience sharing it many years later. It can be challenging to talk about past abuse an I sense that you are strong as well as brave.

I'm not sure if you have had support about the abuse you experienced but if you did want to reach out to the Blue Knot Foundation they are the specific service for childhood trauma. You might find it beneficial to talk about these experiences and I encourage you to do what is best for you.

It's amazing that you have found the community of peers here and please to stay connected and share your experiences as I believe your peers with have some insights to share.

Take care

RiverSeal

Thanks for your support! Much appreciated.

It has been a very hard psychologically challenging life. I come from a family background of members on both sides living well into their 90's I will be 72 next week and so still have a long time ahead of me. My favourite grandmother was 99 when she passed away.

I still have a lot to share, emigrated when 12 years old from Holland to Australia. Starting high school with no English. Married at 17.

Many years of physical illness plagued me.

Moving due to ex husband's work over 50 times in 25 years.

I have been asked to write a couple of books of the various aspects of my life.

My careers I was a Professional level Sign Language interpreter for over 40 years. Whilst being a Chaplain, Pastor to the Deaf, counsellor to the Deaf. Those were voluntary jobs. Did missionary work with the Deaf in Papua New Guinea and South Korea.

I truly believe that if I didn't have my faith I would not have been able to survive as I have.

I was diagnosed as having BiPolar 2 in 2010 and at the same time being diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes.

So my life with the BiPolar which I believe is the direct result of all the abuse. Yet, I am a survivor. No matter how low I get I am always unable to complete suicide. After failing many times I have learnt that it is not my time yet. That its no point even trying. So I now have a built in safety valve. My mind is now strong to withstand the evil voice in my head pushing me to the brink. I now have no more plans in the back of my mind. No more doubt that I should live. So in that respect I have won a great victory and I thank God every day for the love and mercy I receive fresh every day.

Blessings

Marleen