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need help to help my GF

Stag-whispererCasual Contributor12 Apr 2026, 10:34 pm AEST

need help to help my GF

Hey everyone, I'm new here; I only just found out about it. My GF of 7 months has had trouble with depression, self-harm, and attempted suicide in the past, but she had been doing well for about a year and a half. The first few months of our relationship were amazing, but the past few months she has seemed very off and started to push me away (she said she has done this in past relationships). She used to have a bad drinking problem, but wanted to slow down a lot for me. But now doesn't care anymore and gets drunk frequently. She is like a bloke in that she very, very rarely opens up about her feelings and what's bothering her, always saying "I'm fine". This weekend, she has been very distant, barely talking and saying she's fine and having a good time. However, I just found out that she has not been okay and has been in tears all weekend and came very close to harming herself again just so she wouldn't feel alone and hasn't for years. She said she knows it's bad if she is thinking like this. When I ask her to talk to me, she either says, 'Yes, I will,' and never does (this is only the second time she has talked to me about her troubles) or tells me to not worry and it's her shit to deal with. She tells me she won't hurt herself, but I'm worried she will. big rant, but I just need some advice because I don't want to pry too much, as she hates being questioned, and I don't know what to do to let her know she can talk to me and I'm here for her.

Thanks, guys.

2 replies

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In response to: need help to help my GF

Nala2022Moderator13 Apr 2026, 6:09 am AEST

Re: need help to help my GF

Hey @Stag-whisperer, welcome to the forum. It sounds like you’ve been carrying a lot trying to support your girlfriend, especially with everything you’ve noticed changing recently. That’s a tough position to be in, caring about someone so much but not knowing how to help or where the line is.

It makes sense that you’d feel worried, especially hearing that she’s been struggling more and having those kinds of thoughts again. That’s not something easy to sit with on your own. From what you’ve shared, you’re already doing a lot right (being there, letting her know you care, and trying not to push too hard while still checking in).

Sometimes just consistently reminding someone you’re there to listen (without pressure) can help, even if they don’t open up straight away. If she is open to it, it could really help for her to have some extra support around her too, whether that’s a GP, therapist, or even a helpline like Lifeline (13 11 14) if things feel overwhelming in the moment. And for you as well, having someone to talk to about this can make a big difference, because it’s a lot to carry on your own.

You’re not alone in this, and it’s okay to not have all the answers. Hopefully others here can share what’s helped them too 🌟

In response to: need help to help my GF

Misty7Senior Contributor13 Apr 2026, 7:38 pm AEST

Re: need help to help my GF

Hi there, sounds like your GF has been going through a lot. It can sometimes be very difficult for someone to open up. It would also be difficult for you to see someone you love having a hard time.

Remember you can always call the mental healthline on 1800 011 511 if you are worried for your GF's well-being. They will come out and assess your GF's condition and make recommendations. In the case of an emergency please call an ambulance.

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