So Long Father 🕊️

Hey @moodyahhhhh

I am so incredibly sorry to hear about the loss of your father. It is so understandable that life has felt heavy and depressingly slow as of late. When we lose someone so central to our own world, the clock just seems to break, and the rest of the world continuing to move forward feels jarring 💚

I want to gently remind you that feeling crippled or weak is not a true reflection of your character; it's more so a reflection of the magnitude of the loss you are experiencing. Grief is such exhausting and draining work, both mentally and physically.

It's really good that you're seeing the intern and the well-being person. Even without a diagnosis, these can be safe spaces to just "dump" the heavy thoughts so you don't have to carry them alone until the 20th. You don't need to have the right words; just showing up is a massive win.

When we are in the deep end, "How can I help?" feels like a trick question because we honestly don't even know what we need. It's okay to tell people, "I don't know what I need yet, but I appreciate you being there." Or, you can ask for low-pressure help, like someone dropping off a meal or just sitting in silence with you, so you aren't alone.

I know you mentioned knowing you "have" to move forward. But please try to be kind to yourself on that front. There is no timeline for grief, and "moving forward" can sometimes just look like getting through the next hour.

We're all here for you. When the days feel too slow or the silence feels too loud, feel free to keep sharing on here.

Sending you so much strength 💚

Totally understand how that can create uncertainty @moodyahhhhh and I think what @MatchaToad meant is that there's no rush, there's no need to try to 'move on' before you're ready. But grief is also something that we tend to grow around - it may not get smaller, but the impact day to day becomes less sharp, less overwhelming. It's true that things will never be the same again, but that doesn't mean that they won't be okay again.

So glad you felt like you had that safe space to express your concerns and get things off your chest with this intern support 💜

@moodyahhhhh

I am glad to hear that the session with the counsellor went well and that she provided you with a safe space. Getting all those heavy thoughts out, especially the worries about mental health, is a massive first step, even if the formal answers have to wait until the 20th 💚

You do make a fair point about the "no timeline" concept. I do agree with you that uncertainty can be really scary. I only brought up that there is no standard time period for how long you can grieve because it resonated with me in my own journey, but again, we're all different, we all grieve differently, and I can see why you are feeling scared about the uncertainty. When you're already feeling weak, the idea that this weight might not have a clear endpoint can feel really overwhelming. It can be rather daunting.

Since the long road ahead is full of uncertainty, maybe we can try to shrink the map. It's okay if these suggestions aren't appealing or don't work; they're just what has been helping me a bit while I'm processing my own grief.

If the forever of grief feels too big right now, try to only look at the next few hours. Uncertainty becomes less loud when we only have to manage the immediate present. And when the internal world feels so chaotic, sometimes small, predictable things can act as little anchors in the uncertainty (like making coffee/tea each morning, or setting a specific time to check in here). I know you did mention talking about the mental health concerns later, and that's okay, you don't need to solve the future version of yourself all in one day. You just have to try to be here in the now, which can definitely be a challenge 💚