Asserting Boundaries with Family

I hear you @moodyahhhhh . I think a lot of people have these challenges, whether it is to do with ethnicity or not.

@creative_writer or @Spirit_Healer may have some insights

Hey @moodyahhhhh ,

I have had to do this.

Firstly, as for any important conversation, find a time when you and your family members are regulated and relaxed.

My boundaries are of two types: 'rules' and my own actions. 'Rules' are the ones to sit down to conversation about. Expectations such as "when you want to come into my room, knock and wait for me to say okay before you come in".

My own actions are, for instance, me avoiding topics of conversation that have become triggering or unhelpful in the past. Topics such as romantic relationships or employment/work.

Straddling different cultures can definitely present challenges. If you can put structures in place to support yourself and your relationships, things can become easier. There is also much cultural richness to be enjoyed, too.

Hope this gives you an idea of what you might do.

@tyme

@Spirit_Healer , see the post above from @moodyahhhhh

@moodyahhhhh Sometimes, you may find being very open and honest with them may help. It depends on your family though.

@Spirit_Healer @creative_writer may have some more idea.

@creative_writer , I have also struggled with enmeshment and I agree with what you have said.

@moodyahhhhh , what I do and what I advise are sometimes different because I am a people pleaser. So I really struggle to do what I will now advise you:

If one of your unsafe topics is brought up, have a line ready to draw the boundary. Something like: "Mum/Dad, in the past when we have discussed [this topic], our conversations have not been productive/ helpful/healthy (whatever word that best describes how it felt for you). Let's talk about something else. "

Just remember that, as an adult, your needs are important, too. And give both yourself and your parents the grace to gradually get used to the boundaries you set. It's like training a pet: you need to be consistent with your boundaries so that your parents can learn what is okay or not okay to bring up. And they may need reminders.

I hope that this gives you an idea of where to start. As my psychologist put it: "information is power". So, hopefully, with consistency, you can take back some of the power you have over your life and your decisions.

@tyme

Do you think any of the above will be helpful for your situation @moodyahhhhh ?

It may also be worth while considering perhaps some of the traumas and experiences your own parents have had which has shaped how they perceive things.

We never know why they see things the way they do.