What should I do if the system has provided all the support it can?

@TastyCheese hey, welcome to the forums. I hope you find it to be a supportive space 😊

It sucks to hear that you haven't been able to find the right support/get much out of it when you do reach out. Sometimes finding the right fit for our needs can be incredibly challenging, as the MH system is so vast and not always easy to navigate.

There's always going to be people who have it worse than us, and always going to be people who have it easier/better. You are not selfish for wanting a better life for yourself! I'm really glad you decided to reach out.

Curious, have you come across SANE's Recovery Club at all? It's a free six month program that helps you focus on recovery in your own way, at your own pace. It might be a good way to help you figure out a solid plan for your next steps in recovery, as well as maybe helping you to figure out how to find and access mental health support that will suit your needs.

Hey @TastyCheese

First of all, I want to acknowledge how exhausting it is to be a "pro" at managing your own mental health. There is a specific kind of burnout that comes from doing all the 'right' things - learning the strategies, doing regulatory work, and still feeling like you're spiralling because external support has vanished.

What you are feeling is not selfishness; it's a response to the service cliff. By that I mean, when you turn 18 and leave school, the system often shifts from proactive support to crisis management. It is incredibly common for people with Autism and ADHD to struggle so much during this transition period because the structural scaffolding of school disappears at the exact same time the sensory and cognitive demands of work and adulting are ramped up.

I just wanted to share a little piece of my own experience: I felt so scared transitioning into adulthood about 5/6 years ago. I was graduating high school and transitioning to living and studying on campus at university, I was undiagnosed (Autism and ADHD), and the world felt scary and uncertain because of the pandemic. Now I've got a Bachelor's degree, I'm a volunteer on here, I moved interstate, and I am in a rental where I am a full-time carer for my disabled partner. I won't lie: so many times I doubted myself, and I felt terrified of change and the uncertainty of the future, but I wouldn't be where I am now if I had remained stuck and let my anxieties eat me alive and didn't seek support.

To answer your question, though: No, it shouldn't be all the system can do, but often the standard system (like GP's or short-term counselling) is only designed to give you the tools you already have. Since you already know the strategies, you might need to look for different support, such as:

• Neuro-affirming Counselling/Therapy: standard therapy often focuses on fixing emotions. For those with Autism and/or ADHD, the issue is often sensory or executive function overload. Instead of more coping strategies, you might possibly need an Occupational Therapist who specialises in neurodivergence to help tweak your actual environment or work setup. I personally see a neuro-affirming social worker who provides me counselling, and it has been life-changing, and they're also neurodivergent themselves, so I truly feel understood and respected.
• Peer Support: Sometimes the most helpful system isn't a clinical one, but connecting with others who also have Autism and/or ADHD. Coming on here is a fantastic start!
• Advocacy: if you haven't done so already, look into disability support services (rather than just mental health services), which can sometimes offer case management or support workers who help with practical adulting stuff, rather than just the feeling part.

You’ve spent three years working incredibly hard. It makes sense that you’re tired of being your own doctor, therapist, and coach. You aren't 'expected' to just suffer; you’re currently stuck in a gap between two systems that don't talk to each other well. Please keep reaching out; sometimes you have to ask for 'functional support' rather than 'emotional strategies' to get a different result.

Hey @TastyCheese ,

So sorry to hear that things have been hard.

Have you ever utilised KidsHelpline? 1800 55 1800? They have a webchat as well as a phone line. You can use this serrvice right up to 25 yrs old.

You deserve to be supported. I can totally relate to what you are sharing. I found myself in a similar space after finishing high school. I was absolutely lost and all my support networks feel away.

Sitting with you.

Hey mate,

52 yo M here. My ADHD diagnosis was only last year. I have suffered my entire life and spent years coming into, being in, and coming out of crisis. I have never found peace in suffering but I have survived by not judging it. It's not good it's not bad but it most definitely is!

Despite what people say and expose to the world, nobody has their shit together. Every one is lying to themselves and their loved ones about what they truly feel. You don't have that luxury. Be the truth teller, name it, own it, this will release the inner tension (and in my opinion make you much more interesting). But, there will be consequences, people will hate you for naming things they are too scared to confront. There will be consequences. Also, you are currently in crisis so let's not go there yet.

When I'm in crisis I allow myself to shut down without judgement. If I have to work I'll show up do the bare minimum and leave (people think I'm rude or arrogant but f#%k them, lol) but ideally I'm in a dark cool room with Netflix and a week to spare. Don't judge yourself their are plenty of people to do that for you.

Unfortunately, at it's core ADHD is an emotional dsyregulation disorder according to Dr. Russell Barkley. So, while you do everything right you are always go to feel "some type of way about". This is the day to day struggle. And, the thing that worked for me (although it is still present consistently) is... I ate my ego. The ego is very useful but it lies consistently.

Good luck, @TastyCheese

i8mywgo

@TastyCheese

I just wanted to say that quote you shared hits hard. There is a very specific, lonely kind of exhaustion that comes from being told the only safety net available is a hospital or an emergency line when what you actually need is a bridge to get through the day 💚

It is completely understandable that you don't have the capacity to look at 'recovery' or long-term plans right now. When the universe feels like it just keeps piling on, just getting through the next few hours is a massive achievement in itself.

Please don't feel like you have to explain or justify being in this headspace. You have been carrying a lot over the years, and the transition period you are in right now is perhaps one of the steepest climbs there is. Even if the system isn't providing the right tools, your frustration with it is 100% valid.

I understand that even just looking at a full recovery program feels impossible in this moment when you're just trying to survive the next 24 hours. If the clinical system is only giving you a choice between coping strategies and calling 000, you might find a Safe Haven (or Safe Space) more helpful at this time.

These are not hospitals or clinics. They are quiet, lounge-like spaces in the community that are staffed mostly by peer workers - people who have been through their own mental crises and actually "get" that exhaustion you are feeling. You can just go there to sit in a quiet corner, have a coffee, or talk to someone who won't just recite a brochure at you, but will actually sit with you and listen to you to understand where you are at right now.

You can search online for one near you. There is a Safe Haven/Safe Space Finder tool here, but it might not list every available one across the country.

We're all here, and even if it's just to sit in the quiet or share another quote that fits how you feel, you don't have to go on entirely alone. Take things one hour at a time 💚

@TastyCheese

It makes sense why you have to keep that mask firmly in place. When you are in a highly technical field, the stakes are incredibly high, and if home doesn't feel like a sanctuary, you're essentially 'on' 24/7. That is an exhausting amount of masking and cognitive load to carry, but I can deeply resonate with it.

Please don't feel like you're wasting time by providing more context or explaining why something won't work. You are not being difficult, you're being accurate. You are the only true expert on your specific circumstances, and you've already paid 'the price' for being open before - it's completely logical that you're protective of yourself now.

I am really glad that you do have access to that low-stim, 24/7 space. Having somewhere you can go when the world is too loud or the consequences are too heavy is vital.

No pressure to respond to this message or provide any more reasoning if you're not comfortable doing so. Just know that your perspective is heard here, and there is no cost for just being in this space. Take extra care of yourself this evening 💚