Hey @Rosepetal96
Thank you for being so open about this. There is a strange irony in being able to offer a lighthouse to others while feeling like you're treading water yourself. Please know that you aren't alone in that; many of the most compassionate people are the harshest on themselves.
Re-establishing confidence doesn't usually happen in one big leap; it happens in small, quiet shifts. I wanted to share with you a few perspectives that might help you bridge the gap between the kindness you give others and the kindness you deserve.
I know you mentioned you'd be able to console a friend. When that "I should be working more" voice starts, try to literally imagine a friend saying that to you. You'd literally tell them that their value isn't tied to their productivity. Try to "borrow" the words you would say to them and say them to yourself out loud. It feels clunky at first, but it helps retain the brain.
The word "should" is often a heavy backpack we didn't choose to put on. When you catch a "should," try replacing it with "I could, but right now I need ..." This shifts you from a place of failure to a place of agency and self-care.
Milestones often act like mirrors, highlighting the gap between where we "thought" we'd be and where we are. It's okay if you don't feel excited yet. Sometimes the best way to honour a milestone isn't a big celebration, but a quiet acknowledgement of the resilience it took to get you there.
You mentioned asking questions a lot. That often comes from a place of seeking external permission to be okay. Try giving yourself micro permissions. Permission to rest for 10 minutes, permission to dislike a task, or permission to just be without producing anything.
You are navigating a period of finding your feet, and that process is inherently wobbly. That doesn't mean you've lost your way; it just means the ground you're on is new.
Be as gentle with yourself as you would be with any of us here.
