Thoughts on the mind relating to certain types of friendships

Hi @fruitisgood

I understand exactly what you mean. I have a really hard time making friends as well..I think our neurodivergant nature means they we sometimes bond too fast and intensely for neurotypicals and it throws them off. Sometimes we speak too fast, or not at all, sometimes we don't give enough eye contact, sometimes too much... we have wild tangents to our storylines, and are distracted a lot.

Its rare to find the special people who want to be along for a slightly weird, and sometimes exciting, emotional roller-coaster.

If you get involved here, at this forum, you will find people who understand lonliness...and who knows maybe it can be a good support for you...just another little thing to help...

I hope you have a good day today!

Hey @fruitisgood ,

Sorry to hear how things have been recently.

How long has this been going on for? I wonder if there's an element of depression seeping in?

Only because you say you actually love movies, but can't seem to enjoy them.

Hey @fruitisgood

It is so frustrating when the thing that you love most starts to feel like a reminder of what's missing. There is a specific kind of homesickness for a connection you haven't even found yet, and it makes sense that it feels as intense as searching for a partner.

You described your flavour of fun as something you know when you feel it, and that's such a powerful way to put it. It isn't just about sitting in the same room as another person; it's about that shared frequency, that unspoken click when you both react to the same frame or linger on the same line of dialogue.

There is certainly a lot of pressure in self-care culture to be "happy on your own," but humans are wired to share experiences and yearn for them. Watching a masterpiece alone in a cinema can actually feel lonelier than staying home, because the film's greatness underscores that there's no one to turn to when the credits roll to share that look and discuss how you felt, etc. Don't be so hard on yourself for feeling that sadness; it just means that your passion for films runs deep.

When a desire is that intense ("yearning"), it starts to feel like background noise, distorting everything else. If you're watching a movie and thinking, "I wish [friend] were here to see this," you aren't actually fully enjoying the film anymore; you're more focused on the absence of a friend. Acknowledging that this yearning is encroaching is a big step! Sometimes, it helps to give that feeling a name, like an "uninvited guest" in the theatre, so you can externalise it and observe it without letting it take over the screen.

Since you're worried this feeling will ruin movies for you, it might be worth changing the ritual for a bit. If the cinema feels too heavy right now, maybe try "non-movie" visual media, or go to the cinema for something you have no expectations for, a genre you don't usually watch. It might lower the stakes for you. And while it is not the same as a person in the seat next to you, jumping into a specific film forum thread online/group right after the movie can sometimes act as a pressure valve for all those thoughts you're bursting to share. Maybe you could even start a film thread here if there isn't one already?!

I know you also mentioned that you like to keep an open mind because people can surprise you. That is one of your greatest assets! The flavour of fun you're looking for might not come from a fellow film buff; it might come from someone totally unexpected who just happens to see the world through the same lens that you do.

When you imagine that perfect movie companion, what is one thing they do (or don't do) that makes the experience work for you? Is it the silence during the film, or is it the two-hour deep dive afterwards?

@MatchaToad (cool name by the way!)

Thankyou for writing all of that. it honestly has me on the verge of happy tears.

Ive read some of your other replies in other threads and I appreciate the quality and care you put into your writing. its admirable.

You articulated my feelings so SO well.

And I needed those reminders. I am a wonderful human being. I think Im starting to realise just how much of a romantic I am at heart.

To answer your question. I THINK , if i tried to articulate it, is to share insight. how something connects on an emotional and or spiritual level. I love character development, and exploring dialogue, but Im also a huge fan of visuals/ sound design/ sets/ symbolism, and all these unique pieces of a puzzle that come together to create the final product.

Talk about the thoughts the movie envokes whether theyre playful, light and creative or deep and pensive.

I continue to put myself out there and am determined to go after the things I want in life. Have been going to movie meetups but nothing has caught my eye yet. I prefer to interact in person. In a world of alot of digital influence I find text so .... limiting in expression. Im too big for these words!

I will ponder over all you have written. it really spoke to me ♡

@fruitisgood

It is so incredibly heartening to see that "click" of recognition in your response. And thank you for the kind words about my username. I love matcha a lot, and I love toads/frogs a lot too, haha.

You've hit something beautiful here. You're not just looking for a movie buddy, you're looking for a co-explorer of sorts. You want someone who sees the symbolism in set design and hears the subtext in the soundscape. That is more than simply watching a film; it is consuming it in its entirety and appreciating every aspect of every choice made in its creation.

Since you mentioned you feel "too big for these words" and prefer in-person connections, I wanted to give you some more thoughts to carry with you to those meetups.

In those movie meetups, keep an eye out for the people who don't rush to leave when the lights come on. The ones who are still sitting through the credits or staring at the blank screen for an extra 10 seconds are usually the ones processing the visuals and symbolism just like you.

Instead of asking the other person, "Did you like it?", try a low-stakes observation about a specific detail you loved. "The way they used [colour] in that one scene really got me, did you catch that/feel that yourself?" It's a quick way to see if they share your flavour of insight.

Embracing that you are a romantic at heart is honestly a superpower. It means you have the capacity for deep wonder. Don't let the limitations of text or the occasional quiet meetup dim your light!

And just like the unique pieces of a film coming together to create a masterpiece, the right friendship often takes time to assemble. Every meetup, even the ones where you don't meet "the one", is a step toward the connection you yearn for.

You are clearly someone with a lot of depth to offer. The fact that you are determined to keep going after what you want is the most important part of the script.

Next time you pay a visit to the cinema, try to hold onto that feeling of being a wonderful human being. Even if you're sitting alone, you're watching that film with a version of yourself that you're finally starting to really like.

How are you @fruitisgood @Anonymouse1000 ?

Hi @tyme

Putting the kids to bed, it was a lovely day today, warm sunny day, I managed to get out and mow the back lawn which has needed it for weeks, then go to an Easter fair with the kids. When we got home, I fell asleep and had an afternoon nap.

It was a good day, I struggled through some of the connection feeling a little bit numb, I think I'm struggling with a small amount of depression & anxiety.

I enjoy coming on to the forum though, it gives me much needed connection.

Did you have a good day?

So glad you can come to the forums for some connection and downtime. Sounds like you had a busy day. I've just been doing the online component of a first aid course I have to do tomorrow @Anonymouse1000 . It's important but it's so boring lol.

Besides that, I've just been hanging around here with my forums family.

@tyme doing the first aid course is really helpful. I did it a few years ago, but haven't kept it up.

I need to do it again one day, because its good to know if you have any risks around.

What did you do today?

Visited a few people, did the washing, then first aid modules. That's it really. @Anonymouse1000