Constant flashbacks

@Jynx we spoke about looking at talking to someone about the spiritual aspect. Some of these obsessive thoughts are keeping me stuck and making me feel worthless. I’m more likely to self-sabotage when self blame is running high.

I don’t know how I will find someone and talking about it feels daunting. It is true I don’t need to share the details and can keep it brief. I will need to provide some context, i.e., say I was SA but I don’t think any more information is needed.


It was a hectic day today, had some role play recordings to do for uni and I had my psych appointment.

I hope you are doing okay today 💖

@creative_writer Someone who shares your spirituality who can hold that space for you could certainly be beneficial. Definitely worth considering, especially if you are focusing on the emotional impact rather than the details.

Hope today has been easier on you 💜

@Jynx I’m wondering whether it’ll be easier to talk to a female. There is this public figure I know, but I’m not sure how responsive she is to emails. I could give it a try.

I had a full on day with uni today. I need to get some assignment work in tomorrow since it’s due on Saturday. Feeling pretty stressed. I’ve written up a draft of three/four of the case studies. I will try to get the draft for the last one finished tomorrow. I’ll need to give myself some time to sort through the messiness of my writing. I have way too many words, I might try to adjust my answers so they look similar to sample answers. I’m probably over complicating. I just need to pass, it’s a pass/fail unit. I don’t need to put pressure on myself for getting a HD/H1. It’ll be easier once the assignment is out of the way because it is a triggering one

Always worth a try @creative_writer if it feels right for you to reach out to this person 💜

I always struggled with pass/fail because like... what are the parameters? How much effort do I truly need to put in?

I hope you are able to tidy it up and finalise it without getting too bogged down in the details. Especially if it's been triggering - that would be pretty taxing. How long till you're on break?

@Jynx I will see if I can find her contact.

The pass/fail thing provided me with some relief because I aim really high and that can hinder me from getting anything done. I can see why it would create anxiety for you.

I have a week to go before I get a break. I have lots to catch up on.

@creative_writer I'm glad that for you it means a bit of relief and the ability to step back/not push too hard 😊

'Lots to catch up on' before the break or during? What are you wanting to do with your time off?

@Jynx I have a lot to catch up on for uni. My mental health being chaotic has meant I’ve fallen behind. Today has been better than yesterday. I do think I still need to be mindful of managing triggers from uni content. I did have a really rough day on Wednesday and was really struggling to fall asleep. I’ve been lucky that I have been able to bounce back because things were starting to get a bit intense. I’m not sure what happened. I’ve been feeling low all around, but sometimes I get those lower periods in low. Maybe I’ve been triggered. I have lots of stresses in my life but I can manage. I struggle to manage SA triggers. I am working with my psych on distress tolerance because escaping from triggers isn’t realistic.

I have to catch up during the break, not sure how much time I’ll get to myself. Would be nice to have some time to just chill and slow down.

@creative_writer I hope you manage to catch up with some time to spare - being able to rest, do nothing, and not have that background feeling of assignments looming over you does do wonders.

I'm glad you and your psych are working towards building those kinds of skills, cos you're right - it's not really possible to avoid triggers altogether. I think one could make the argument that getting triggered is an important part of recovery, because you are slowly able to show your nervous system that you are actually safe from the initial trauma - bit by bit.

Not saying to go out and look for triggers or expose yourself on purpose of course! But with support, gentleness, and a safe space to process, hopefully you will begin to feel differences in how things impact you.

@Jynx I need time to do nothing and curl up in bed. It’s so cold and rainy🥶. I hope you are snuggled up tonight.

I agree that’s it’s hard to avoid triggers and it can help teach the body it’s safe. I am still actively trying to minimise triggers that can be avoided. Uni have agreed to give me an exemption for the consent module. It’s become standard practice for students to complete it at unis across all courses. I figured it would’ve been very uncomfortable to complete. They didn’t ask questions. My mental health course has more than enough triggers already.

I feel like it’s hard to avoid triggers even in daily life, even outside of uni and professional life. Triggers will pop up, I think I’ll need to learn to be able to self regulate. After I’m regulated, then my psych was thinking of doing some EMDR sessions. She also suggested considering when would be a better time uni wise. It would be far from ideal during peak study periods

@creative_writer has the thought of deferring for a semester ever come up for you? Would be plenty of time for resting, snuggling, healing, all that stuff. Just a thought, I know for some the idea of prolonging studies can be more stressful than pushing through. But hey, could create a window for EMDR or other more intensive therapy stuff.

Glad there was no questions asked about requesting the exemption! It sounds like you're taking a proactive approach and ensuring you're supported along the way 💜