TW. About to go into a huge downward spiral

I'm safe, not gonna do anything, looking for advice, etc, etc, etc.

I'm really in a bad place right now. I need help, but I can't get help.

I:

* Can't talk to lifeline as I'm worried they'll just do a welfare check

* Can't talk to S***ide callback service as they just want you off the phone in 15 mins and I'm worried they'll just do a welfare check

* Can't talk to Mensline for the same reasons as above - same organisation that runs it

* Can't talk to BeyoundBlue as they're a referral service and becuase of much of the same as above

* Can't go to hospital, as they simply don't have capacity (in my state at least)

* Can't talk to Sane as they no longer have the support line

* Can't talk to my GP as he's pretty limited in what he can do (G for General) and can only refer me to pyshcologists

* Can't talk to anyone at a Medicare Mental Health centre as last time I did, you guessed it, they did a welfare check.

* Can't talk to counsellors or psychologists because they're booked out months ahead and would still do the bloody welfare check

* Can't call 1300 MH call becuase they're just the hospital switch board and will tell me to go to hospital which is at capacity

* Can't call Medicare Mental Health line as I would just be put through to my local centre - the same one that just did a welfare check

* Can't talk to friends or family as I don't have any that understand the situation at all all and would just freak out and make it worse.

Why does the reaction to s***idal ideation have to be welfare checks all the bloody time! I need help and to talk to someone, not be dragged off by the cops!