TW. About to go into a huge downward spiral

Hi @Jlol

Glad you are safe but I hear you

I know that feeling of wanting to reach out but no one is there or they will end up at your door.

Going to ED to sit there for hours and then they'll send you home anyway.

I'm not sure if it helps but we are here if you need. I know it has to be in the guidelines but at least it's a start.

Hey @Jlol

This is an incredibly frustrating and claustrophobic place to be in. It sounds like you're caught in a "support loop" where every door you try to open leads to a welfare check rather than the actual conversation or help you're looking for. It makes complete sense that you feel like you can't reach out when the system's safety response feels more like a threat or a punishment than actual care.

Since you've been through this cycle before, it's understandable that you've lost trust in the standard pathways. You're not looking for a siren blaring at your door; you're looking for a space to exist with these feelings without them being managed away.

As a volunteer here (I'm a Peer Guide, just waiting for tech support to update my badge), I want to respect the boundaries you have laid out. Since the traditional lines feel unsafe for you right now, I wanted to suggest some alternatives that operate differently or focus more on peer-led, non-clinical support:

• Peer-Led Support Groups: sometimes talking to people who have actually been there and get it feels far less clinical and more human. Organisations like Grow Australia or local peer-run "Safe Havens" (which are starting to pop up more across Australia) often focus more on sitting with the person in distress rather than jumping straight into emergency protocols.
• Warm-Lines: while Australia is catching up on these, some local community organisations run Warm Lines rather than Crisis Lines. These are designed for when you are in a downward spiral but aren't in any immediate physical danger. Some Warm Lines that may be of interest include ListenWell or Peer CARE Companion Warmline
• Online Peer Communities (like this one!): since you're here, please know that this is a safe space where you can vent without the immediate "red tape" of a phoneline. Many people find that writing out the spiral helps externalise it a bit without the fear of a 15-minute timer or a knock on the door. But of course, everyone has different preferences, and may find it more difficult or uncomfortable writing it out and would prefer to verbally speak to someone about what has been happening.
• Blue Knot Foundation (1300 657 380): While they are a hotline, they do specialise in complex trauma. Their approach is often much more trauma-informed and focused on empowerment rather than the immediate clinical triage style of Lifeline.

You are right, the system is often set up to manage risk rather than provide connection. Safety is important, yes; however, it is a systemic failure that the response to pain or distress is often "policing" rather than "presence," true support, and compassion.

If you're comfortable staying here on the forums for a bit, what does this spiral feel like for you right now? Sometimes just naming the mess to people who won't freak out can take a tiny bit of the pressure off.

Hi @Jlol,

It really sounds like you’ve been carrying an enormous amount on your own, and the frustration you’re describing makes complete sense. You’ve tried so many avenues, and instead of feeling heard or supported, it sounds like you’ve been met with responses that feel intrusive or unsafe for you. Anyone would feel worn down in that situation. Wanting someone to listen rather than immediately escalate is a completely legitimate need.

I’m wondering — and please ignore this if it doesn’t fit — whether there might still be one or two services on your list that you could talk to with a bit more control over the interaction. Some helplines will explain their process openly if you ask at the start of the call, including when they do or don’t initiate welfare checks. For some people, having that transparency can make it feel a bit safer to talk without worrying something unexpected will happen.

You also deserve support that respects where you’re at, rather than defaulting to heavy‑handed responses. I just want to acknowledge how hard you’re trying despite how alone and stuck this all feels. If you’d like to talk through alternatives or ways to get support on your terms, people here are listening. You don’t have to figure this out completely on your own.

Take care meantime, wishing you as easy and gentle as can be at this time,

liminalzest

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@MatchaToad wrote:

• Peer-Led Support Groups: sometimes talking to people who have actually been there and get it feels far less clinical and more human. Organisations like Grow Australia or local peer-run "Safe Havens" (which are starting to pop up more across Australia) often focus more on sitting with the person in distress rather than jumping straight into emergency protocols.
• Warm-Lines: while Australia is catching up on these, some local community organisations run Warm Lines rather than Crisis Lines. These are designed for when you are in a downward spiral but aren't in any immediate physical danger. Some Warm Lines that may be of interest include ListenWell or Peer CARE Companion Warmline

You are right, the system is often set up to manage risk rather than provide connection. Safety is important, yes; however, it is a systemic failure that the response to pain or distress is often "policing" rather than "presence," true support, and compassion.

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I'm with MatchaToad on the Peer-Led Support Groups + Peer CARE Companion Warmline suggestions @Jlol.

I definitely would recommend considering joining those peer led support groups as it seems like it fits your needs more. I find that being able to connect with other like-minded individuals that have been through the same issues makes the stories and experiences we share more valuable without having to face something that is set up by the system.

Also, with the Peer CARE Companion Warmline - the service for that one is called ‘Roses in the Ocean’. I haven’t used it myself but I know that the peer support workers are all volunteers there, and they take their time to have a chat and sitting with you in distress. They don’t do welfare checks as far as I know.

Wishing you the best of luck (if you are interested in using those above)! ❤️🌿

Thanks @Blackcloud and @MatchaToad. I've requested a call from Peer CARE Companion Warmline. I'll let you know how it goes

Thanks @liminalzest

Yeah the problem with the services I've listed is that individual operators tolerances are very inconsistant. Whilst some are fine, others get triggered to pull a "duty of care" (call emergency services) on relatively minor things. For example, I once got "duty of cared" for mentionging that I had self-harmed in the past - not that I was going to do it, or was doing it, only that I had done it. You just never know how they'll react.

Also, it's very rare that operators follow their own rules. I know with most "duty of care" things if the operator feels you are at risk they're meant to ask you to take yourself to hospital, and if you can't then theyre meant to inform you that they will call emergency services. In my experience, this has rarely happened. At least half of the calls I've had that have ended up with a "welfare check" have happened after the call has ended amicably. Obviously the operator has had a chat with their supervisor post-call and then decided to call EMS. This is against their own rules: I can't be given the chance to agree to take myself to hospital if I'm no longer talking to them.

I've also found that many helpline operators are unwilling to explain their processes. They more often say "Hang up, call again, and follow the menu prompts to hear a recording of it".

It's very frustrating. Often when a call begins I will say something like "I'd like to talk about s*&^ide but I don't want to get myself into trouble. Could you explain what your rules are around what I can and can't say?"

9 out of 10 times they will completely ignore this question and jump to "Are you having thoughts of suicide/do you have a plan/who's around you?" etc. Then I say something like "Sorry, I'd like to talk about that but I just need to know what the rules are first". To which they'll say "Yes you can talk about anything to do with s@#$de with me" which we know isn't true.

The bottom line is - and this is true of 99% of MH workers in my experience - that as soon as you mention the 'S' word they permit themselves to tell white-lies or omit things. There's been times where I've been worried they've called EMS on me and so I have asked point-blank "Have you called someone?" Sometimes they just ignore the question and I know they have called EMS.
It's such a stressful "game" that I don't want to play. So much time is wasted just narrowing down if I'm in trouble or not rather than tlaking about the actual topic.

Hey @Jlol

I am just following up to see if you've had the call from the Peer CARE Companion Warmline yet, and how that went for you, if you feel comfortable discussing it.

If you're still waiting for the call, I will say it often feels less clinical and more like a conversation with someone who gets it. They are not there to "fix" you or tick boxes on a triage form. They are there to sit with you in the "mess" you're going through, so you don't have to go through it alone.

It is a massive step to try a new service after being burned so many times by the system. But again, do let us know how it goes for you if you're happy to share!

Hi @MatchaToad

Yes, did have a quick conversation with them. Unfortunetly they have a "duty of care" as well now, so it's a no go. I never trust duty of care.

Hey @Jlol

That is incredibly disappointing to hear. I know that it would feel like such a massive blow, even when the alternative services, the ones built on shared lived experience and trust, still revert to the same mandated duty of care protocols that feel like a trap.

I would highly recommend checking online to find your nearest safe haven or space, like Stride's Safe Haven and Safe Spaces. These are physical "drop-in" spots staffed by peer support workers and non-clinical mental health workers. You are there, they can see you are safe, and the focus is on listening and sitting with you. They are also designed as an alternative to waiting in the Emergency Department when we are experiencing distress and or just struggling with mental health, etc.

I'm really sorry the Peer CARE call didn't provide you the sanctuary you were looking for; it's truly disappointing. It's exhausting to feel like you have to censor your own pain just to keep the police away from the door.

If you feel like hanging around on the forums for a bit, what is one thing that actually helps you feel 1% more grounded when the services fail you like this? Sometimes just venting about how broken the system is can be a tiny bit cathartic.

Hi @Jlol

I just had a look at Alt2Su (alternatives to su!c!de) since it’s something that has been brought up by one of my supervisors as a peer group facilitator myself. I saw that a website called LELAN offers Alt2Su groups and it made me think of you. They do have online groups that are hosted via zoom as well, but they are held on Mondays and Fridays in the evening times. I’m not sure which state you’re based at, but all of these groups (on-site and online) are based in Adelaide. I'm sure even if you don't live in Adelaide, you can still join in the online group.

With these groups, you’re free to talk about things with other like-minded people that have lived experiences of distress, including thoughts of su!c!de. I’ll attach the link and the flyer on here and see if you’re open to giving it a try. No pressure if you don’t feel ready yet.

https://www.lelan.org.au/alt2su-groups/