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Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

Unknown userMember16 Mar 2017, 8:45 pm AEDT

Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

I realise how little i mean to people. i mean nothing.
its abit like walking down a long dark street never knowing when a light might flick on to show me the way or give me some hope.
im tired of trying. tired of hoping. tired of coping. tired of exisiting. tired of breathing. i think im done.
dear everyone that knows me, im sorry im such a disapointment. im sorry i cant live up to your expectations. im sorry i was born. im sorry if ive hurt you. im sorry if ive made you miserable. i deserve all the blame and hatred i have gotten. everything is my fault and im sorry.
im locked within the walls of my own minds and i just cant escape it.
Pain. Pain all the time. It runs through my veins a fast flowing river with nothing there to stop it.
Just get over it they say. i wish i could, im living minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day. im struggling with memories that haunt me everyday and i dont think they will ever fade.
my thoughts are overwhelming and what hurts me the most is when people pretend to care but really they dont.
im so scared. things just arent the same anymore. im not doing anything right anymore. ive lsot myself, the person i once knew isnt here anymore. i dont know what to do anymore. i feel like i dont belong here or in reality. no where. i have constant feelings of being unworthy and hopeless, of being a prisioner in my own body.
i have so much pain physically and mentally. i try to stay happy. i try to keep smiling. i try to be brave. i try to be stong. i try to act like everything is ok but im far from it.
i never know when im going to have a 'good' day and at any minute im triggered and takes such a long time to recover.
there are monsters living inside me, attacking me, ripping me apart from the inside. i dont think its ever going to end
but its ok "ill just have to get over it" just as expected

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In response to: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

Unknown userMember25 Mar 2017, 5:37 pm AEDT

Re: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

Far out this new name suits you but my phone isn't loving it @Former-Member haha

In response to: Re: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

Unknown userMember25 Mar 2017, 5:41 pm AEDT

Re: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

yeah id be seeing your psychiatrist it could be an easy fix @Former-Member

Im sorry guys, mr record is ow back down to zero days 😞 😞 😞 @Former-Member@Mazarita @Former-Member@Pepsimax

In response to: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

Shaz51Senior Contributor25 Mar 2017, 5:45 pm AEDT

Re: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

You're wonderful, @Funshine. I like your stories about your children too.

My @Former-Member, I hope it is soon too my friend xx

I agree with @Mazarita, -- will be better when your mum and the others get a place of their own.

Taking sisters to school, picking them up and having them on a weekend day sounds better than having them pretty much all the time

. And I think having a room of your own could make a big difference to your feelings of stress.

so Fingers crossed for you

In response to: Re: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

Unknown userMember25 Mar 2017, 5:46 pm AEDT

Re: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

i dont want to do it anymore @Shaz51 and i jst put my SH record back to zero 😞 😞

In response to: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

PepsimaxSenior Contributor25 Mar 2017, 5:47 pm AEDT

Re: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

@Former-Member don't worry about that is it bad hope yoo don't mind me asking I'm here for you

In response to: Re: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

MazaritaSenior Contributor25 Mar 2017, 5:52 pm AEDT

Re: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

@Former-Member, okay. I think I know what you may be referring to. Try not to be down on yourself about it now. How are you feeling just at this moment? Are you okay?

@Former-Member, I understand the dilemma. I'm often at my worst in the morning, probably related to meds. I really also get the need for down time to yourself. It's a tricky balance. The psychiatrist referral - seems like that holds some fear for you. Want to talk about it? I'm a little odd in that I feel I've been helped most of all by psychiatrists.

In response to: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

Unknown userMember25 Mar 2017, 5:56 pm AEDT

Re: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

@Shaz51 thank you 💛 i really like bumping into you around here. I've replied to you in coffee corner if you'd like to chat.

@Former-Member - firstly there's no need to apologise to us at all. There is no need for added (any) shame about this. I'm going to post and see if you've written anymore to reply to

In response to: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

Unknown userMember25 Mar 2017, 6:01 pm AEDT

Re: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

Im not feeling ok im feeling quite sick and its just not enough to help me. I feel like i need to throw up and im shaking like crazy but idon't need medical assistance i can deal with it.
I have to say sorry. I feel bad for even saying it 😞
Im a complete disaster @Former-Member @Mazarita @Shaz51

In response to: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

Unknown userMember25 Mar 2017, 6:05 pm AEDT

Re: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

I'd love to nut it out @Mazarita, especially if you've had a good experience. I'm in a big rut and it's getting worse and clearly triggers galore are happening for me at the moment. The psychiatrist referral mention kind of timed terribly right around the exceptionally triggering BPD conversation that I should have known better than to get involved in. So it's a 'thing' i need to deal with.

Buuuuut, just in having this small conversation i am feeling those panicked, fearful legs and arms, shaky hands, tummy saying 'no' not now feelings so it's probably a bad idea until I'm in a better place. But huge thank you for offering and I am very keen on hearing your positive experiences sometime soon (preferably before the almost inevitable referral!).

In response to: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

Unknown userMember25 Mar 2017, 6:09 pm AEDT

Re: Depression- Really Struggling- may be triggering

Honestly @Former-Member, there's no shame here. We all have our own ways of coping and they're all different. I can imagine taming SH takes practice. It's a backward step yes, but i would be so surprised if there's anyone who hasn't taken backwards steps before.

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