Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

47,612Members
1,358,869Posts
1,400,000Visitors

Grief

henry13New Contributor11 Mar 2026, 10:29 am AEDT

Grief

Trying to work through a few difficult emotions at the moment and just wanted somewhere private to share my thoughts with others.

I am a few years shy of turning 50 and have been in a long term caring role (15years) for ageing parent with multiple health challenges. We have a great relationship, I love that I have had this time with them and been able to help maintain quality of life for them.

On the other hand caring has limited my opportunities in life and this has really hit home recently when, after being single for most of the time I've been caring, I met a girl and everything just seemed to fall into place. The magical movie love story that I thought would never happen for me was unfolding and I felt like I had found someone who cared about me and who I could grow old with.

Over time my caring responsibilities weighed heavy in our relationship and sadly became too much for her to handle or to see a future together. I understand her perspective and respect how difficult it would have been for her.

It has been so hard working through all the different emotions having lost a relationship, a friend, a future, I think grief has taken over my life at the moment and it hurts. Having been on my own for so long it felt so amazing to find someone and share the connection we had, but now that is gone and I'm left feeling lost and scared that being alone is just how things will be for me.

This girl was such a beautiful person and brightened up my world in so many ways, I know time will help ease the pain of right now but I can't help feeling like something special is passing by and I'm not able to do anything about it.

Again, I love what I have been able to do in my caring role but it has also taken so much of my life away.

3 replies

1 - 3 of 3

In response to: Grief

GlistenSenior Contributor11 Mar 2026, 12:19 pm AEDT

Re: Grief

Hi 👋🏼 @henry13 Welcome to the Forum.

As a solo carer, I’m assuming that you don’t have much time at your disposal?

My friend @Meowmy - amazing person, is a carer for her mother.
Mate, do you get any respite?

Do you have any hobbies?

In response to: Grief

MatchaToadPeer Guide11 Mar 2026, 1:00 pm AEDT

Re: Grief

Hey @henry13

Thank you so much for sharing your heart here. It takes a lot of courage to voice that 'other side' of caregiving, the side that involves grief, missed opportunities, and the heavy feeling of a future shifting out of reach.

It's clear how much you love your parent, but it's also okay to acknowledge that 15 years is a long time to put your own life on hold. To finally find that 'magical movie love' only to feel it slip away due to the weight of your responsibilities is a specific kind of heartbreak. Please know that feeling lost and scared about the future is a very natural response to such a significant loss.

You are not alone in these feelings. Many of us in the caregiving community struggle with that same tug-of-war between the love we have for those we are for and the mourning of the lives we might have lived otherwise.

Be gentle with yourself right now. You've spent so long looking after someone else; it's okay for this space and this time to be entirely about your own healing. We are all here to listen whenever you need to let those thoughts out, just as you have now.

In response to: Re: Grief

henry13New Contributor12 Mar 2026, 8:08 am AEDT

Re: Grief

You're right, not much free time.

I do all the things that are meant to be helpful, exercise, volunteer, involved in social activities. At the end of the day all these things help, I'm much better off than if I didn't do them but they are only an hour here and there before it's back to my caring role.

1 - 3 of 3