TooOldForThisCasual Contributor
The Compassion Dilemma
I am a 70-year-old mother who has been juggling a difficult relationship with my schizophrenic son for 26 years. When I joined the Schizophrenia Fellowship in the early 2000's, I vowed I would not be 70 and still battling with my son, yet here I am.
He is such a beautiful human being with great empathy, compassion, generosity and honesty. He is well medicated and mostly on an even keel mentally, but his lifestyle is severely hampered by his illness. Added to this is that he is a long-term injecting drug user of methamphetamines which he says assist with his ADHD, but of course they severely impact other aspects of mental health, to his overall detriment.
My compassion dilemma is this - I want to support him in any way I can because of the impact schizophrenia has on his life, but I want to 'murder' him for continuing to choose to use drugs. Helping with the schizophrenia side feels like enabling the drug use. The reality is that it's not a bilateral situation. The two conditions co-exist and feed each other. It's a bit like the chicken and egg debate.
In order to self-care, I have stepped aside and accepted that there can be no lofty expectations of things dramatically (or even minimally) improving because improvement requires positive choice and action which he is incapable of making. But at what point does self-care become selfishness?
We also have entrenched patterns of communication that are not always healthy, and we tend to inflame each other. I would very much welcome feedback on resources that highlight ways to communicate with someone who is delusional or psychotic.
I would also love to hear from any kindred spirits.
Thanks.
