need help

I think I'm in depression again. Its a part of bipolar disorder. For those who don't know I was diagnosed in 2024. I have thoughts of whats the point because I have no real friends, no help except childcare, always scrapping the barrel for money, a business that I havent worked in properly for 2 years and I've been doing uber eats driving which makes me feel physically tired and even more questioning why bother. I have a PhD it shouldn't be this hard. I want to work so I can see my kids I don't want to be an absent parent but I feel making my 450 a week on uber and missing out on seeing my son grow just doesn't add up. People say get a job, everyone else does it but I am not like everyone else I have cerebral palsy and an intelligent mind that questions everything and so I question life has to be better than working for the man 9 - 5 just to pay the bills and miss out on my kids and my kids are my priority. My business best year I made 6k and while its not much it was on my terms and I enjoyed doing mediumship events, running fairs and doing readings and coaching with others but I just don't know how to get it going again especially since I have no babysitters or support so I thought I should try to lease a shop where I live and $200 a week so I could do my events, workshops, readings and coaching during the week and tried to do a gofund me to start up that as I need about 3k for bond and advance rent. Anyway if you got this far thanks for reading but everywhere I turn I'm not feeling it at the moment and I'm wondering if you have any advice message me I don't want to be attacked just chat. Thanks in advance.