Parenting Guidance Needed

I cant begin to explain how much my heart is hurting and how confused I feel. I need to know how other parents would handle this situation.

My newly turned 17 year old went interstate to spend school holidays with her best friend. She asked if it would be okay for her friend to come back with her for a 2 week holiday. I explained it is fine as long as she still went to school for the days she has (she has a 2 to 3 day timetable). She was happy and assured she would.

The first week was perfect. I paid for her friends return flights and booked. They wanted to go to a them park so I spent $250 on tickets for them. Drove them around and everything seemed great. Leading into week 2 my daughter started to become extremely reactive. She was really treating me terribly and was speaking to me horrifically. She started to break me down to the point where I was questioning my sense of self and just so sad.

She was refusing to go to school and I put my foot down and said she had to go for the days she was meant to but compromised on the event days where it was social activities. However she hated me for that despite her agreeing and I had not had this issues prior with her. She was asking me for everything. Money for shopping trips, take away, she wanted a $200 haircut at an alternative hairdressers, she wanted 600 tickets for a show. Of course I had to say no to the bigger things. Anytime I did she would get snappy and moody. I let it go.

Her bday came along 3 days ago and it was a great day. Decorated the house, got her a new laptop and other stuff. She then asked for money for a piercing which I agreed to.

That day she was caught smoking. We have had discussions around this and she had broken her word and lied. When I told her I was upset she broke her word and trust she flipped it on me. Called me names, hammered me down to make me feel like a bad mum and told me I was dramatic because she was caught when her younger sister got home. It was her bday so I still got her the takeaway dinner she had asked for that morning even though I questioned if I was doing the right thing being what she did.

The next day she got her piercing and came home in the absolute worst mood. When my 6 year old went to say goodnight, she came in crying and was scared and told her that her sister (17) told her that life is pain or painful. I went in and said can you not say those things to your sister. I don't want her thinking thoughts like that at 6 years old. I didnt yell, i was annoyed but i stayed calm. My daughter got defensive, flipped it back on me and then lost it. Telling me I'm the worst mum and so forth. I said I don't understand what has changed this week because you have been fine up until now. There's been no issues and anytime you get pulled up for something you're doing, you turn it back onto me to make me feel bad. This made it worse and she screamed at me and told me to get out. I did and went to my room.

5 mins later she asked me for a suitcase and said she would be leaving tomorrow and booking a plane ticket. I said that's not happening. There's no reason to do this. She went back to her room.

This morning when we got up, she walked up to her 6 yr old sister and hugged her and told her she was moving out and leaving. Obviously shocked and upset my 6 year old burst into tears and begged her not to go.

I told my teen you can't just book a plane ticket and go interstate without permission. She said I already bought it and I booked an uber.

This quickly escalated into an argument and I told her she doesn't have permission to just leave and go interstate and I don't understand what is happening and we need to sit and talk. She refused screamed at me and told me she was leaving. I told her it was unfair to put this responsibility onto her friends mum and that there really wasn't a need to do this. This made it worse, she screamed at the top of her lungs, told me to shut up, called me a F**ing B**ch and scared my 6 year old as she had never heard anyone speak like that let alone her sister. My husband had to take my youngest out of the house for a drive as it was terrible for her. My daughter got an uver and left with her friend and got on a plane.

I told the friends mum she didn't have parental permission to leave and the mum said it must be more than you're telling me for this to happen and she won't turn her away. I explained if she told her it's okay to come and booked an uber that she's enabling this behaviour and that my daughter is in yr 11 and has school and there's really no reason for her to leave besides her doing what she wants to do.

Within 10 mins of that conversation the mother texted me and told me that the girls were not feeling safe here.

I reiterated there has been no previous issues, I have multiple loving text messages from her days prior and safety is not an issue here.

When my daughter arrived interstate the mum texted me that they were there and 'safe'

An hour later the mum was messaging me and then said the girls had stated my husband stood over her daughter, intimidated her and told her this is all your fault and scared her which just did not happen at all. My husband is so upset especially being our 6 yr old was with him the whole time and his main thoughts was her.

I told my husband that I feel like the safety threats only came after I stated she didn't have permission to go there and the mum went against my wishes and its a way of validating what she has done.

I honestly have no idea where to go or what to do from here. I'm sorry this is so long but felt context was needed.

I am so hurt and disappointed in my girl for doing this. We spent all day with our youngest answering her questions as she is so confused on why her sister screamed those things and left.

Any guidance would be so appreciated