Lost

Good morning,

I am a 36 year old male who has struggled with life-long issues around mental health.

I grew up during a time and within a place where mental health issues were stigmatized. It wasn't until my mid 20's that I began to actively engage with methods of dealing/coping with myself. I can still remember the first time someone explained to me what a Panic Attack felt like and realising that this terrible feeling I had on a near daily basis was something. It had a name. There were ways to deal. I never knew how and to be frank, I still don't think I do.

I recently got my assessment done so I can have all my information in one place and begin tackling it all. it's a lot.
Complex PTSD/ADHD/Autism/Depression/Anxiety. all things I kind of thought I had in the back of my mind but now it's there in front of me. All in one sheet that I could present to someone and receive assistance.

Not so.

I take medication for my depression that was recently doubled. I am not allowed to begin taking medication for ADHD management until I, in the words of my GP, "become mentally stable enough to stop taking depression medication"

The depression meds are the thing that in my many years and many attempts for help has really actually...helped. The thought I would stop taking them at all to simply bandage up another issue is overwhelming and not something I can see a clear pathway towards.

I thought I would be able to get assistance from Wise as my last few jobs have tanked due to my mental health. Unfortunately, I work too much to get any kind of support from them. Same with Atwork.

I had an urgent mental health crisis this week. I lost it. I got the closest I ever have to hitting the eject button.

I am feeling alone and afraid. I am scared of myself and my ability to make choices. I do not feel as thought I can trust how I communicate to others. My partner is, rightly so, at her wits end with me. I do not even know where she is right now. It might be over.

I'm spinning my wheels. I have no direction, no motivation to find any and now a knowledge that the resources and avenues I thought I would be able to leverage in order to get help and ongoing support do not exist.

I am okay. in the main. I'm not going to hurt myself or drink myself into oblivion. I just need to find support groups and ways to distract myself that are different to what I have currently been doing.

I need help.