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Frustrated, restricted and bored

Catsanddogs66Contributor

Frustrated, restricted and bored

Hi, I'm new here. I'm 55 years old jobseeker, married for 36 years and currently navigating menopause along with all the other shit. I've been taking antidepressants since 2002 for depression and anxiety. Meds work well but don't solve everything, of course. I can't seem to obtain employment even though I search and apply constantly. My job provider tries to assist but to no avail. My husband is receiving a Disability Support Pension due to a lifelong spinal condition. He refuses to allow me to drive our car as I had a very minor accident 13 years ago, so he now doesn't trust me to drive. I learnt to drive at age 38, and was doing fine until I accidentally rear-ended a vehicle. I'm a nervous driver anyway but I still wish to be able to drive instead of constantly relying on him for transport. Can't afford my own car as we're on a low income. So sick of feeling trapped and missing out on life. I volunteer two days a week at the local community centre which I really need and enjoy, but hubby even restricts the time I spend there, saying we can't afford the petrol. It would be cheaper if he allowed me to drive, thus removing the need for him to drive back and forth dropping me off and picking me up. I feel like I'm going to be stuck like this for the remainder of my life. I also feel my life has been a total waste of time. I'm not an expert or specialist at anything, so what the hell am I good for? The world has become an unpleasant place to be; everything revolves around the Great God Dollar, nothing else seems to matter. Violence and hatred everywhere you turn. The only reason I continue on is my husband, daughter, granddaughter and my cat! I genuinely don't want to hurt them by not existing anymore. No, I'm not contemplating suicide; I'm too chicken shit for that! I guess I'm just venting because I'm so angry at pretty much everything. Probably just stupid menopausal hormones talking, and yes, I'm trying to address this issue with appropriate treatments. I believe hormones are only part of the problem; the rest is just general life circumstances. I don't expect any miracle solutions.

Ok, I'll stop ranting now! Thanks for reading.

11 replies

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In response to: Frustrated, restricted and bored

Shaz51Senior Contributor

Re: Frustrated, restricted and bored

hello and welcome @Catsanddogs66

so glad you are here and that you are sharing your story

here is a link to click on to and have a look at called Coping Toolbox ( what is in yours to help you cope )

My husband is on the DSP for his mental health issues

and I am on the DSP for my physical health issues

what things do you like doing like hobbies

@Appleblossom , @Till23 , @AuntGlow , @Ru-bee

In response to: Frustrated, restricted and bored

liminalzestModerator

Re: Frustrated, restricted and bored

@Catsanddogs66, Thank you for posting, and lovely to see you on our forums!

What you're describing sounds like a lot of understandable frustration relating to your long-term limits on your choices around what you want to be doing in life, including independence of driving, employment challenges, and health challenges.

SANE Forums provides a resource for other community members to respond to your posts. I'd also like to suggest registering with our RecoveryClub program including online individual and group support, which should be available soon. Check out SANE Australia as well as Welcome to SANE’s Recovery Club.

You may also find it useful to reach out to 1800RESPECT, https://www.1800respect.org.au/.

I can be very useful too if possible to arrange a mental health plan with your GP.

Thank you again for reaching out, and being part of our community!

In response to: Frustrated, restricted and bored

MatchaToadPeer Guide

Re: Frustrated, restricted and bored

Hi @Catsanddogs66

I can see that @Shaz51 and @liminalzest have already come in with some lovely support, and I thought I'd do the same.

I hear how much you are struggling with the feeling of being 'stuck.' It is incredibly wearing to feel like you've lost your autonomy, especially when it comes to driving and your volunteer work.

Regarding your job search and the feeling that you aren't an 'expert' - please remember that 36 years of life experience, navigating the DSP system, and volunteering at a community centre require high-level soft skills like empathy, resilience and administration - all of which are valuable. Those are 'specialties' that many workplaces desperately need. You are not a waste of time; you're in a very difficult season, but you still have so much to offer.

Sending you so much strength 💚

In response to: Frustrated, restricted and bored

mallory_strifeSenior Contributor

Re: Frustrated, restricted and bored

@Catsanddogs66 i'm concerned about how he doesn't let you drive. is there anything that could change his mind? how does he prevent you from driving? what would he do if you did manage to get behind the wheel?

In response to: Re: Frustrated, restricted and bored

Shaz51Senior Contributor

Re: Frustrated, restricted and bored

@Catsanddogs66

Sending you understanding hugs 🫂

I can't drive so my husband drives me everywhere and waits for me

Sometimes I feel stuck too

In response to: Frustrated, restricted and bored

Catsanddogs66Contributor

Re: Frustrated, restricted and bored

I want to thank each of you for your replies and support, it's most appreciated. I'm currently looking into the options that have been suggested. I'll keep you posted and many thanks again.🫂🙏

In response to: Re: Frustrated, restricted and bored

Catsanddogs66Contributor

Re: Frustrated, restricted and bored

I've actually asked him what he'd do if I just hopped into the car to drive somewhere; he said he'd physically take the car keys off me. He isn't physically violent but I know he would get the keys from me. He claims to love me and can't live without me yet his actions sometimes don't align with his words. I still care about him but don't really want to live with him anymore. If I could afford to leave, I would.

In response to: Re: Frustrated, restricted and bored

Shaz51Senior Contributor

Re: Frustrated, restricted and bored

Wow , that is big @Catsanddogs66

Sorry ❤️

Has he always been like that or did he change at some stage to make him like this

Sitting with you

In response to: Re: Frustrated, restricted and bored

Catsanddogs66Contributor

Re: Frustrated, restricted and bored

No, he hasn't always been this way. He's not the fun- loving, happy person he used to be and who I totally miss. He always says that he hasn't changed but he has. I understand that his spine gives him a fair amount of pain most of the time which will contribute to his moods. But he was never controlling, bitter or resentful. He has separation anxiety and abandonment issues, which I suspect originated from his mother leaving when he was 12. He can't stand to spend even one night without me. Tells me he doesn't need anyone else in his life as long as he has me. He's very jealous, possessive and clingy. He believes all mental health professionals are full of shit and people should just deal with their problems themselves. He's gradually become more controlling of me over the years. He's said he'd suicide if he didn't have me. Makes things extremely difficult for me to figure out the best way forward.

In response to: Re: Frustrated, restricted and bored

rav3nSenior Contributor

Re: Frustrated, restricted and bored

hi @Catsanddogs66 i just read your recent post. it must be hard seeing your loved one change, and i'm sorry to hear that his behaviours have caused more distress to you.

i can see how separation anxiety and abandonment issues could've contributed to his changed behaviours. it sucks that it's be tough for him, however, it also isn't fair for you to be treated in such a way. you deserve to feel safe and respected too.

as previously mentioned, i'd encourage you to chat to 1800RESPECT. they can help safety plan and provide some strategies around navigating conversations with him. 😊

the community is here for you 💗

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SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.

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