BlackcloudSenior Contributor
update: it’s all good ig
So my mum and I don't have a great relationship, and everytime I bring up some stuff with her that I'm struggling with that she would keep suggesting or bringing up with me, she would keep dismissing them by telling me to stop saying that worried thing and that I need to deal with it or toughen up basically.
FYI, I live alone in a student accomodation, I've moved out of my parents house back in October 2024, and I don't ever plan on moving back to live with them ever again.
As of recently, I was thinking of wanting to block her and over the course of almost a year (I would say) I brought up with her quite countless times that I wish we don't connect/talk to each other anymore and that she should accept that and stop talking to me, I normally bring up things like "stop being my mother" or "I wish I was not your daughter" to her. This is because everytime she brings up something to me that she wants me to have or do that I completely disagree with (that she thinks otherwise), it triggers me to THAT extent because it very much feels like she's pressuring or forcing me to do what she tells me or suggests I should do. And because the way she deals with and think things is completely different to how I deal with them and think things, that's where the clash between us occurs.
what happened between us just this late afternoon (which is what brings to me writing this post) is that on WhatsApp my mum asked me when I'm starting school (as in university face-to-face) I said to her why is she asking me that and she goes like "you should start at school. Because you need to learn to socialise with people. More fun at school". and my mum herself knowing CLEARLY AND VERY WELL that I've been struggling with socialising and connecting with people at any social settings even when I was a child and a teen -- considering I had selective/situational mutism at school from when I was 1 and a half years of age until the age of 12 and a half, it's really sad how she still thinks this way and doesn't want to accept the fact that what I've been dealing with and what I choose to do is what I'm more comfortable doing. The way I see it myself is that if I know this is something I've been struggling for most of my life and that I'm not comfortable with doing ever again, then I have the rights to not continue with it. I even told her specifically that she doesn't understand how autism works and that she doesn't have the rights to tell me what she thinks I should do. And then she came up with this VERY lovely (I'm saying "lovely" sarcastically) response saying "stop saying you're autistic, you' are not. you just need to learn how to connect with people, that's all I need/want from you" which was obviously INCREDIBLY invalidating and dismissive to my needs! like what kind of a parent says that to their own child who has clearly developed neurodivergent/autistic traits as a young child myself. So then that triggered me to tell her "I just wish you don't continue to want to connect with me. why did I ever come out of your tummy?? I just wish I had a different mother" and then I told her to stop controlling me to which she said she wasn't controlling, but she really is. Then she also said "doesn't matter if it didn't work (me connecting with others didn't work) for you but you can still go to school like other people do. you don't need to talk to people". After that that's when I was like "seriously, I wish I can block you forever so you can stop talking to me and stop connecting with me. you seriously have no rights to tell me what you think I should do just because you never experienced it yourself." to which she responded with "it's okay if you block mum, you can't get any food" -- to provide a bit of the context with this last line, basically since I moved out of home starting from October 2024, I've been visiting my parents house in order to collect my mum's cooked food for me to eat on a weekly basis, and because I don't cook my own food and all that, that's been part of why I've been collecting her food since I'm used to eating them (plus, it's better to eat cooked food than to get meals from restaurants). Anyways, but now I do need to get used to not being able to eat and get any of her cooked food anymore in that case, as well as getting used to not seeing her ever again. Almost everytime we go out shopping together, I've never been really happy in general everytime I'm with her.
Also, this whole situation I've mentioned above isn't the only situation that's causing me to wanting to block her though. Another major one was when both last year and in 2024 when she wanted to introduce me to a guy that she made my aunt (in our ethnic country) to go around and find some guys that my mum herself would like me to meet and potentially be with (according to my mum being in my 20s is the age where I'm already meant to be in a relationship, which I 1000000% disagree with) and what's even worse is that she wanted me or preferred that I have a partner "to look up to" in the purpose of him taking care of me and all that when we get older, as well as a partner who is of the same ethnicity as us (and not anyone that's not of our ethnicity). Like I really wish she can listen to everything I've been saying to her however it just seems that she really hasn't listened to anything I tell her and she doesn't understand the impact that her continuing to do this and not listening to me has on our relationship in a negative way. There's so much about her that I could go on with that's causing the strain in our relationship but I'm just gonna leave it all here for now.
FYI, My mum comes from an asian background and she was born and raised there and obviously the way she deals with things (even if they're bad) is completely different to how I deal with them myself. Same goes with perspectives.
So should I block her guys? it's fine if it means that I can't go to her house to pick up her cooked food, nor even willing or able to see her ever again (and I need to get used to that really). And she needs to get used to that too lmao because it's clear that no matter what I tell her or try to convince her to think or understand otherwise, she will always stick to what she believes in that she wants to apply that onto me with.
Perhaps I might consider on moving interstate at some point too in that case if that will ever happen, who knows.
