Thank you Everyone

That's "Carer's guilt" @Former-Member and technically you were still a child, and it shouldn't have been yours to carry .... it's the same any time a child is shouldering more responsibility that childhood ought to be placing on them .... it was something the same for my WH, only he was like the head of his family when he was still a child, helping his family unit to cope when his parents were not able to fulfil their role as parents in the true sense ....

His dad provided and income, and his mum worked too, and kept the house, but emotionally, neither of them were there for him in a parent-child relationship. The father was emotionally absent from the family and the marriage, and the mother became emotionally dependent on the kids in a role reversal of a child-like parent. Both the parents had suffered emotional trauma from war experiences growing up, and I didn't know, as young as I was, that we would suffer the effects of that going forward.

Now it's clear to see that even if he had been an adult carer, it is very, very important to live something of your own life around the carer role, and balance the two, or otherwise you suffer "Carer's burnout". Clever you ....❣.... as young as you were .... you were actually following your instincts and doing some of the things you needed to do for yourself to stop that from happening. If you had reached burnout, who would have been there for your nan and pop ?? You clever little caterpillar !!

Yes, it can be hard to wrestle with Carer's guilt, but you really must put it down in order to be a more effective carer. The time you are spending here in this beautiful garden creativity is doing wonders to recharge your batteries .... and that is so, so important for going the long distance.

Believe me, I know what I am talking about.

And creativity helps to feed others around you .... it's a positive charge instead of a negative drain.

❤️💕

I don't wrestle with guilt now @Former-Member .... because I know that if I don't take care of me, then I become one who needs to be cared for and lose my carer ability .... and I am the only available carer in our situation. If I go down, we all go down .....

That makes it imperative that I take time out for myself.

Before finding the forums I was really feeling stuck about that. Going and simply doing things by myself, for myself, like my riverside walks, or prioritising having a coffee out in a coffee shop was one thing, but I really needed to connect with people who understand how much I am hurting on the inside .... people I could cry with .... and in our state, and under our circumstances, that can't happen with the relationships around me to the degree I need it to, until we have a diagnosis over my hubby and everything is out in the open.

Its a tightrope walk for me irl .... but not here. Here I can tell it like it is and work with that reality.

I just had the water supply people turn up to restrict water to our property over unpaid bills. It's okay .... the bill will get paid today when I make him aware that it has come to that .... but I have to wait for him to wake up in his different time zone because he is so exhausted and needs to sleep ... so you can start to see how I am a carer to him to be able to look after the rest of us .... and I have to help look after my adult kids who are at home and suffering situational depression .... and then my D2 has an intellectual and physical disabilities so I am a full-time carer for her too.

That might sound like a lot to contend with, but if you just stay in the moment and take it step by step, it's okay .... far from ideal, but doable.

❤️💕

thats alot ot handle as well for yourself @Faith-and-Hope

so if im getting it right your saying take easch day as it comes and then the net day dont dwell on yesterday but rather create a new tomorrow?